Tag: trust

About to escalate

FabrizioLeave a comment

When a situation is about to escalate, be ready to do two things.

First, be ready to have a difficult conversation face to face. You can’t send an email, you can’t text, you can’t use the chat. In certain circumstances, you may still be able to use the phone, but be prepared when possible to meet face to face (or camera to camera in today’s world).

Second, be ready to concede. You will not get out of it if you put your foot down, if you want to win it all, if you are not open to be proven, at least in part, wrong.

But before that, how do you know a situation is about to escalate?

You feel it. You understand something is not right when you feel you are getting agitated, when you sense that being right is becoming more important than the outcome, when any minor event gets charged of unrealistic importance. So much so that you have to tell somebody or do something right away.

You have the power to defuse such incredibly dangerous situation, do not get sucked into them.

The first question

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you have an idea to spread, a change you care to see happening, a product to market, the first question should not be “where is my audience?”.

The first question should be “who is my audience?”.

It is a shift in perspective.

From desperately moving from one channel to the next (and mastering none), with messages that are ineffective (because they are either about you or they aim to appeal to too many), to already knowing where you will be tomorrow.

It is the way to become master of your own future.

Many call it strategy.

Through the eyes of others

FabrizioLeave a comment

The only possibility we have to get a reliable view on ourselves is to look through the eyes of others.

Most of us have the tendency to think we are better than the average. We think we are more intelligent, better performing, more charitable, more careful, even in the face of evidence that we are not.

Or we beat ourselves up for things we did well. We give in to resistance, we feel our work is not yet perfect, our blog post not enough researched, our project not ready to be launched yet.

And so, it’s the others who can be our compass.

Ask those whom you hold dear, listen to their criticism, and act on it. When you are not getting the honest opinion you were seeking, look at facts, events, circumstances that tend to repeat themselves with different people, in different context, at different times. If you often find yourself raising your voice, you might have a challenging temperament; if you are not getting promoted in a series of consecutive gigs, you might have to adjust your professional presence; if you continuously find it difficult to convince others of your views, you might want to start crystallizing important ideas first; if your work is not getting the results you were expecting, you might try setting some relevant metrics to track over time.

The point is, the sooner you get out of your mind when it comes to judging yourself and your work, the more practical and actionable feedback you will get. Be the one who determines where to look, then let others be your guide.

To mentor

Fabrizio1 Comment

You do not have to be a master to mentor. You do not have to be the best at what you do, neither you need to be an expert in what you do. You might have a passion, but that is just a like most of the time. You might feel competent and knowledgeable, but if you are completely honest that’s probably not how you feel in most cases.

If you believe any of the above is necessary to mentor, you are telling yourself a false story, you are giving up to resistance, you are pushing back something you would genuinely benefit from.

To mentor, you merely need to have experience and to be willing to give it away.

And when that is the case, you can start mentoring now. You will get back everything you put in. And more.

I agree, but

Fabrizio1 Comment

We have heard that agreeing with people is a way to defuse conflict. And we have taken it so far that the words I agree are two of the most used in companies.

Of course, they are mostly misused.

They are often an easy way to gain some short-term sympathy, to prime the others to positivity, to prepare the ground for what you are going to say next. They are a delay to the inevitable.

I agree, but.

To come to a real agreement implies that you are going to at least slightly change your perspective. It means the actions that follow I agree actually show that you are in agreement. It means that you are ready to support what the other just said, even outside the current conversation.

If instead you are just preparing the ground for disagreement, be brave enough to own it and say I disagree instead.

I agree, but erodes trust, openness, and candor.

It is just not worth it.