In order to set your mind to giving, you have to rid yourself of the expectation to get something in return.
Of course, mixed motives will play a role. But it’s eternally unsatisfying to keep a ledger of what goes and what comes.
Give freely and you will be ready to welcome any reward.
Relationships are hard work. All relationships.
That’s mainly because in a relationship we are asked to take something into consideration that we are incapable of understanding: the other party involved.
It takes a lot of work to just accept this simple fact. That understanding is not the basis of a relationship.
Caring is.
The things you can learn to accept.
It’s unbelievable.
You are resilient and you can live every day learning to accept feelings, thoughts, situations that on paper you would never want in your life.
It helps to frame them in a narrative that serves your higher purpose. And it helps to remind yourself of that narrative at challenging times and at good times.
Once you have that, you are simply unstoppable.
This one here from The New York Times is a cautionary tale.
It’s about never trusting the glamour and sparkles you see on social media. Even when they seem to be selfless and well-intended.
And it’s also a tale about not confusing the object with the subject. Just because the latter is rotten, doesn’t mean the former is as well. That is to say, it is still possible to pay a fair wage to your employees, build a good company, and not be a total asshole.
This other one from The Guardian is also a cautionary tale.
It’s about the inevitability of being caught at fault when you are a public figure. It’s about the fascination of newspapers of any kind and size for stories which are not stories. It’s about the need to accept that the better you are at what you do, the more others will try to take you down with frivolous items, leveraging both the inevitability and the fascination described above.
And it’s also a tale about letting all this wash over you and continue on your path.
Sometimes you listen because you want to know. Sometimes you listen because you care.
It might seem like a minor distinction, but the questions, the attitude, the subjects are very different whether it’s one form of listening or the other.
When you listen because you want to know, your questions are direct and closed. You look for easy answers, answers you can process and understand instantly. It’s usually about trivial topics, and the act of listening is in fact a way to reassure yourself that everything is as it should be.
When you listen because you care, your questions are wide and open. You are not even looking for answers. If they come, they will probably impact the person giving them much more than they impact you. It’s usually about deep change, and the act of listening is a way to unlock new potential.
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