Tag: team work

The golden mean

Fabrizio1 Comment

I bought this yesterday, what do you think?

Do you like my new haircut?

I heard you were at my presentation, did you enjoy it?

Honesty is a wonderful thing, but if you have ever had to answer the questions above (or any of their variations) you know that honesty has its dark side. Actually, two.

On one side, there’s exaggeration. It is a lie, often inflated. And it is used to gain some kind of advantage, whether it is a conflict to avoid, the need to be accepted, or even full-blown deception. Here is what exaggeration might look like.

I bought this yesterday, what do you think? It is gorgeous!

Do you like my new haircut? You look wonderful, wow!

I heard you were at my presentation, did you enjoy it? Absolutely, you have amazing skills!

On the other side, there’s disrespect. It is a truth, often inflated. And it is used to just let out whatever it is we feel inside in that particular moment, with no regard for those around us, their state of mind, their feelings, their circumstances. Here is what disrespect might look like.

I bought this yesterday, what do you think? It really sucks, you could have spared the money!

Do you like my new haircut? No, it stresses everything that is wrong with your face.

I heard you were at my presentation, did you enjoy it? I slept for most of the time, quite boring.

Honesty is about striking the balance between exaggeration and disrespect. And if you can’t do that, you will always struggle to communicate effectively: exaggeration taints the message, disrespect upsets the receiver. One way or the other, change will not happen.

Virtue is a mean between two vices, one of excess and one of deficiency.

Aristotle

Pick one

FabrizioLeave a comment

Since you have just started here / you have time / you have done it until now / I don’t want to do it, why don’t you take responsibility for this project?

Or alternatively.

I have noticed you working on a past project, and I appreciate how you could keep things on track while still communicating well with everyone involved. This new project is important for us, to be able to better serve our customers and increase retention. I feel we have the best chances to succeed if you are going to take care of it.

Which one would make you feel more motivated to deliver your best possible work?

Which one is more often used from managers around the world?

The big reveal

Fabrizio5 Comments

Our next project, the future of the team, the current state of affairs, the launch of the new product, the brand revamp, the newly appointed executive, the team member who is leaving.

If we treat everything as a big reveal, sharing information with a restricted number of confidants while others are left reading tea leaves, two things will likely happen.

First, we loose the opportunity to buy people in before things are set. Sharing the work, the good and the bad, before it is ready to ship means we can ask for input, we can hear what the people who are affected think, we can let others into the change, and we can sell the reasoning and thought process more easily.

And then, we take focus away from the rest of the organisation. Whether we want it or not, the big reveal becomes the center of the conversation, and by the time it actually happens, every single person will already have their own solid picture of what that is about. How can we then satisfy all of them?

Big reveals are powerful tools, and they are also one of the main reasons why change is often so challenging to manage. We should not make big reveals the norm.

Lack of communication

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Silence is golden. Lack of communication is not.

One can find comfort in silence. It is a moment of reflection, of expression, of deep connection. Leaders who learn the power of silence are better listeners, and their team members get in a habit of sharing.

Lack of communication is on the opposite side of the spectrum. It is about retreating, hiding, avoiding. Lack of communication digs holes that others will fill with assumptions, fears, and regrets. The more difficult the situation, the wider the holes. Many leaders practice lack of communication, and their team members get in a habit of keeping to themselves.

Fairly and kindly

FabrizioLeave a comment

The things you believe you do to others, you actually end up doing them to yourself.

The smart comeback to your colleague’s comment is going to hurt a relationship that is important to you.

The reply you have not sent to that important message is holding the project back and yourself accountable.

The carefully planned revenge on the person who crossed you once is taking all of your energy and focus.

The lie you are saying to get ahead this time is giving permission to others to lie to you to do the same.

The silence treatment you are giving your partner is not contributing to a relationship where you feel comfortable sharing and growing.

The only way to achieve what is important to you is to treat others fairly and kindly. The rest is just an elaborated narrative we tell ourselves to keep us from committing and moving on.

Let go and do instead.