When we give feedback, in the same way as when we offer our help, the next best thing to do is to let it go.
Clinging to it is counterproductive, and most likely only the person receiving it knows if it’s going to help them or not.
By all means, give feedback. And then let it go.
We are ready to go great lengths to reinstate order in our life when someone or something does not adhere to our version of the world.
If somebody does not behave the way we expect, they certainly have some hidden agenda. If something happens that we have never experienced before, it’s probably a mistake or somebody trying to frame us. Even when we witness – with our own eyes – something that does not fit with our story, we just go to what we know, and try to make it big enough that the anomaly can go unnoticed.
The moment we are put in front of the facts, the moment we realize that there’s actually nothing wrong, the moment we accept that multiple versions of the same world coexist at any given time, that’s a moment to cherish. It’s the moment when we open up, when we are welcoming, when we grow.
We just have to make sure that moment does not at an horrendous cost.
And if it does, apologize.
There comes a time in most relationships (sentimental or not) when the parts involved simply do not trust each other anymore.
No matter what they say, no matter how hard they try, no matter how much time and resources you spend making their case.
Actually, continuing to state the case in these situations is futile. Chances are the main arguments, values, plans are at least part of the reason why the distrust started developing. So, if that’s all each part has to contribute, the relationship is over.
The only thing to do in these cases is take a step back.
Open your mind, listen, apologize if needed (it usually is). Be critical of your original stance and see if there’s still space for a part of it.
Relationships, as most things, evolve. When you do not evolve with them, you are out.
If you are lucky enough to see your company growing, or if you are an early stage employee at a growing company, here are four things for you to consider.
Four things I have consistently seen working when taken into account, or snowballing into disasters when disregarded.
As you promote people into managerial positions, make it crystal clear that their new priority is managing people. This requires a very different set of skills, and most likely some external training is needed. Do not assume that just because somebody is good at their job, or is an expert in a certain area, they will also be good bosses. If they are too busy, make space for them. They should not.
When somebody makes something that is very good for the company, make sure to take some time to acknowledge that and craft a story out of it. This is valid at many levels, and it is one of the responsibilities of leaders and managers to elaborate on why what was done matters, here and now, as well as to spread it. This is the behaviour you want more of.
At this point, you probably have some type of culture deck or presentation or brief. Put it to test, and change it as the company grows. Finding examples and stories (see also above) that resonate with the type of culture you want to establish is fundamental. Your culture lives, whether you want it or not, and it’s up to you to approach it strategically.
Finally, remove “good job” (and its variants “great work”, “amazing content”, “superb teamwork”, …) from the accepted phraseology. If something is truly good, make a commitment to say why it is so, and how it does serve the purpose of the organization at this stage. If it’s not, establish an environment in which candid criticism is accepted and not taken as a personal judgement of someone’s abilities.
The things you do during a period of downtime determine the success of what you will be doing when things get going.
Rest and recharge is an important piece of it, yet it’s only a piece nonetheless.
Downtime is an excellent moment to be delivering your best work, to free yourself from constraints of time and pressure, to explore new venues and new ways, to connect with that person you should really talk to, to give that speech that can change a bunch of minds.
Most things move in cycles, and work is not different. Take advantage of the space you are given to make sure you are ready when it’s most needed.
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