Persistent means little without a direction.
You can endure adversities, continue despite opposition, resist most of what is thrown at you. And the best you can wish for is to end up somewhere that is not too bad.
Choose what to stick to before adventuring farther.
When you walk into a difficult conversation, check expectations, preconceptions, narratives at the door. You will have done 90% of the job.
That does not mean you are supposed to go unprepared. It just means leaving out the natural tendency to focus on things that reinforce negative ideas, and making an intentional effort to notice something positive that might be said, done, experienced.
It’s how you bring your better self into the moment. It’s how you unlock deep listening, sincere curiosity, empathic sharing. It’s how you build the connection that is necessary to talk about serious stuff.
It’s how you move forward.
The place where I usually do grocery shopping recently changed the small bags for fresh produces. They used to have a type with strap handles, and now they have one with no handles. That bothered me. Because before it was easy to close them, while now they are left open, and fruit and vegetables come out when I am at the counter.
Today my 7-years old daughter came with me. She took a small bag with no handles, put pears in it, and closed it with no efforts. She took another one, put tomatoes in it, and again closed it with no efforts.
The point is that we are creatures of habit.
We tend to do things the same way we always did, even when things change, even when it does not work anymore. And that’s why it is valuable to have somebody who does things differently around, somebody who has a different background, who thinks in a different way, who never before had the chance to get used to small produce bags with handles.
The first step is to recognize we do not have all the answers. It is easier said than done.
When you underplay a problem that was brought to your attention, you are compromising the relationship.
You might have very good reasons to do that. Perhaps the problem is not a problem to you. Perhaps you are scared the problem might jeopardize your status. Perhaps you just have no idea what to do about it. Perhaps you are set on your goals and targets and do not want to get distracted.
You pretend it is not there, and the other person is impatiently waiting for your response.
You just have to ask yourself: is it worth it?
If someone does something you would not, that is not a good reason to go and do it yourself.
Sticking to your values, your best behavior, the best version of yourself is easy when everyone around is nice, pleasant, and accommodating. But can you do it also when you meet the asshole, when your boss sets a negative example, when your group is up to something you would not normally be proud of?
They started it! is a weak excuse for grown ups.
You've got this 