Tag: self-improvement

The stranger

FabrizioLeave a comment

Every group has its own rules. And when you belong to the group, there are two things you have to do.

First, you need to figure out what the rules are. This might seem trivial and simple, but actually it often takes time to dive deep into what the group cares about and how stuff gets done. Tension and crisis accelerate the process of understanding, as there is no better time to appreciate the set of values of a group than when shit hits the fan.

Figuring out the rules happens over time, it is a continuous effort. And you can’t wait for it to be over before asking yourself if what the group believes in aligns with what you believe in. Are you at home, or are you a stranger?

Now, if the answer is that you are a stranger, you need to be able to appreciate the fact that setting out to change the rules is only one option. It is often easier and possible to go and find a group whose rules better align with yours.

One way or the other, staying in the group that makes of you the stranger is probably not something you want to consider. But you know that already, don’t you?

Wandering

FabrizioLeave a comment

We are typically busy when we do not know where we are headed.

And I am not talking about the type of busy that involves doing work, but rather the type that makes our head hurt, that keeps us awake at night, that makes us nervous and anxious, that flattens everything into a state of urgency, that leaves us moving from one thing to the next.

This type of busy that is wandering.

Having a purpose will not allow you to be busy. You perfectly know what matters and what does not, what will take you closer and what will delay your arrival, what is an investment of resources and what is a drain.

Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.

Zig Ziglar

Not particularly good

FabrizioLeave a comment

How is it that when we feel out of place we go on a crusade to show the world we actually belong?

When someone points at one of our flaws, we insist in denying it. When someone shows us a mistake we have made, we immediately think they are wrong. When facing the fallacy of our argument, we go to great lengths to distort reality and adapt it to what we are saying. When in a role that has never suited us, we try to play the part up until the damage is just too big.

We spend a great deal of energy trying to be what we are not, to protect things we normally do not care about, to convince ourselves and others of something.

We should rather just accept that we are not particularly good at most things.

And move on.

The right thing

Fabrizio1 Comment

When we do the right thing we often tend to think in terms of output.

I spoke of the injustice so they would see and fix it.

I called out that person for their behavior so they would be punished.

I studied hard for this exam so I would pass.

I have shared my experience so you would not make the same mistake.

But doing the right thing is more of a matter of input.

It is your values, your story, your purpose that you feed into the thing to make it right. What happens after should really not be that important.

Your phone

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you keep your phone on your desk while working, you get distracted.

If you turn it down, set it to silent or vibrate, you still get distracted.

If you put it somewhere else in the same room, you still get distracted.

If you leave it in your bag or in your coat, you still get distracted.

If someone separates you from your phone, you still get distracted.

And this means that you have increasing difficulties both when trying to access knowledge that you already have and when facing new problems that require new information (see Ward et al., 2017).

The most reliable way to avoid this is to train in being intentionally distant from your phone. It might sound as a difficult thing to do, and still nurturing a habit of doing without distraction can give a concrete and tremendous competitive advantage. Professionally, personally, and even sentimentally.

Today is a great day to start.