Tag: self-improvement

Blame

FabrizioLeave a comment

What good is it to blame it on others? People who might or might not be still around. People who’ve passed by, who stopped for a while, who’ve been a constant, whom we’ll never talk ever again.

And what good is it to blame it on the circumstances? What has happened, what might have been, what will be tomorrow. The weather, the economics, the politics, and the structural difficulties.

At the end of the day, we are the greatest enemy to our own achievements.

We are in control, just not of the things we tend to blame.

We can decide to wake up and do the work.

We can extend an hand and help a friend.

We can be kind, inspiring, and motivating.

We can say thank you and I am sorry.

We can still talk when nobody listens.

Or we can shut up when we decide it’s enough.

One way or the other, we can.

And we should.

Get satisfaction

FabrizioLeave a comment

When we are close to something, it’s difficult to notice progress.

Just as you can’t see your kids grow day after day, it’s difficult to see your career develop, your relationship evolve, your project build the right momentum, when you are so involved.

Take a broader look, take an outside look if at all possible. Consider a longer time frame, list down all the achievements, own your own narrative, master the capacity to frame what you see today in a wider picture.

That’s the key to satisfaction.

Definition

FabrizioLeave a comment

The longer you can be without defining a situation, a person, a thought, an outcome, the more you can enjoy the moment.

When you define you draw boundaries. You set differences between what is good and what is bad. You start aiming for something different while at the same time clinging to the desire that the definition will always be valid. You build, for yourself and others, a world that is much smaller than its potential.

Defining is natural, it’s an attempt to take control of the unknown.

And the longer you can be without it, the more chances you will have.

Uncomfortable

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you feel uncomfortable, the first immediate reaction is to point the finger and fix something outside of your reach. You might yell, give clearer instructions, take ownership, write a negative review, demote, reject, shut down.

But of course, that works (for you, perhaps) only until the feeling is back – for the same reason, or a different one.

And so, a better approach is to ask: What is this? Where does it come from? What can I do to make the feeling bother me less? (vs. What can I do to make the feeling go away? – which often leads to one of the reactions above.)

You might even end up getting rid of the feeling altogether, but that is not the point.

The point is being with, letting go, accepting.

Because, in the end, it’s not that bad.

More interesting questions

FabrizioLeave a comment

We wonder what is acceptable, what is right, what makes a good wife or a good husband, what makes a good parent, a good friend, a good employee, a good colleague.

And while wondering that, we often take an outside perspective, as we put most of the emphasis on what others think.

But what is acceptable for us? What do we believe is right, wrong, good, fair, worthy of respect? Where do we draw our line? And what are we going to do to make it so others will accept that?

Those are way more interesting questions.