Tag: self-improvement

When your idea is not chosen

FabrizioLeave a comment

When another person’s idea prevails on your, and is chosen to be executed, there are three important things you can do.

Focus on the positive aspects and on the potential of the idea. No idea is completely good or bad, so the idea that was chosen does most likely have positive aspects. Understand them, ask the owner to explain them, and build the narrative of what is happening around them. “This is idea has the potential to achieve this” or “I like this idea, because if well executed could deliver that” is a much better option than “I was not the one proposing it and I think it is wrong”.

Be involved in the execution and deliver your best work. This is not about you, so leave your ego and all your regrets behind and be ready to help the best you can. People will remember your contribution, and even if they won’t, you will feel much better for having done something active and practical about it.

Keep your mind ready for the next round. Ideas are always needed, so there’s no need to tank if your idea is not chosen this time (or the next, or the one after the next). Try to perfect the ones you had if they are still on the table, or come up with new ones for a different situation. Make sure to understand if your presentation was somehow flawed, if you could have done anything better, write down ideas as they come and try to elaborate on them, and eventually your brain will be prepared for the next chance.

Change is a failure

FabrizioLeave a comment

As I was thinking back to what I wrote few days back about the two different approaches to failure, it struck me how at its core a change is a failure.

It’s a failure of plans, of worldview, of beliefs and values, of expectations, of anticipations, of truths.

If you are not ready to embrace failure, to take responsibility for it, and move on with an expanded mindset, you are most likely not ready for change.

Burning or building

Fabrizio4 Comments

There are two ways to approach failure.

Focus on blame. And then put all your energy in arguing, sentencing, punishing, recovering from the missed opportunity, and eventually (only eventually, with what’s left) rush to some practical action.

Or focus on responsibility. Own it, consult for possible solutions, move on to mitigating actions, and genuinely learn from what has happened.

The first approach burns bridges. It aims at making things clear, crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s, shaming those involved, making sure this will not happen ever again. Even when we do not mean ill, the results are the same. And we are a bit more alone, no matter if the failure was on us.

The second approach builds bridges. It aims at creating a connection, finding ways to work together, building resilience and be ready for the next one. It is incremental, and the more you do it, the more benefit you and the ones around you will get from it.

The same thing is valid for change as well, by the way.

Take up the reins

FabrizioLeave a comment

What happens all around us is not important.

What really matters, is how we process that inside. The feelings it makes us feel, the thoughts it makes us think, the physical reactions our body sends back in return, the story we tell about what is going on.

Once this is clear, it will become easier to be active part of the World and take up the reins of our lives.

The point of origin of change

FabrizioLeave a comment

If all the countries in the World would give up their military investments and gradually dismantle their military force, there would be no reason for any country in the World to invest in military and have a military force.

We agree on the fact that this will never happen.

There are many interests at stake, and most of all there is a trust issue. The general approach is “if my neighbour has one, I need one too”. Or going back to the paradox in the first paragraph, “if our neighbour does not stop investing in military, why should we?“.

Now, think about how many time throughout the day this is our approach to much more petty and fake disputes.

If the person sitting in front of me on the bus does not stand to allow an elderly person to sit, why should I?
If my sister does not call me, why should I (call her)?
If my colleague does not appreciate my job, why should I (appreciate her)?
If my community does not care about the ones who have less, why should I?
If my neighbour does not shovel the snow from the common spaces, why should I?

Sometimes change is difficult. And sometimes caring less about what the others do and being the point of origin of a change is easy and generous. And who knows the impact it can have on your and other people’s lives.