Tag: self-improvement

Unreal

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The expectations we set for others are often so unrealistic that would we set them for ourselves, we would immediately get stuck.

We are not in the best position to say what others should or should not do, what they should or should not believe in, how they should or should not treat us. The most we can do is picture a fictitious setting in our mind, and then play out a scene in which we are deus ex machina. Of course then, what we would do there would be perfect, flawless, impeccable. And again, unrealistic.

Everyone is the main character to their own movie. We should aim at being a gentle one, one that is freed from the hard-wired desire to judge every situation, one that would lend an helping hand rather than point an accusatory finger. In the movie that is life, that’s the type of person you want around.

The 99%

Fabrizio4 Comments

We live 99% of our lives in normalcy, anonymity, routine.

That is a fact to accept, and despite what most stories teach us, there’s nothing bad with that. Indeed, even the heroes of those stories, the ones that are human at least, do not escape this general rule: it’s just that we do not see them cooking their food or doing grocery shopping; there’s no camera following them in the car every day as they commute; there’s no audio capturing them singing out of tone, nor discussing with their partner about whether to go to the theater or to the restaurant.

The way we live normalcy, anonymity and routine sets the stage for our levels of joy and satisfaction. The more we try to fight the former, the less we’ll have of the latter. The more we seek an escape, the less we’ll notice how the journey is like. The more we long for something that is not here and now, the less we’ll realize what here and now has to offer.

Sure, there’s still a 1%. And to be able to spot it and cherish it when it comes, it is vital we first learn how to be comfortable with and focused on the dominant 99%.

Inside-in

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Talking about deeply personal and emotional topics transcends the need for an outlet to release personal demons.

It’s much more about achieving higher levels of self-awareness, that I believe being the stepping stone for everything – yes, everything! – you want to accomplish in life. We are very much used to approach reality inside-out, looking at what’s around from our perspective. We are also pretty familiar with an outside-in approach, letting the facts of the world influence who we think we are and the things we think we can do.

Inside-in, looking within to find and elaborate on feelings, fears, failures, pains, delusions, desires, passions, thoughts, ideas, plans. Stuff that we project outside, and also let others magnify. That is far less common, and we need to train in that.

Shit

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We all go through the same shit.

That does not mean our pain, despair, fights, passions are all the same, indistinct reasons why we feel miserable. It means that most likely others can relate to it. Can understand. Can empathize. And it also means that we are not alone, not in our suffering.

So, the first thing to do is talk about it. Reach out to a friend, a family member, a doctor, somebody in this deep sea of misunderstanding we can relate to. Talk honestly and don’t hold back.

And the second thing to do, arguably the most difficult, is to listen when we are on the receiving end of a request of help.

Gentleness

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Understanding what is happening within has one sole purpose.

Gentleness.

When it becomes clear where your actions and reactions come from, what’s behind the patterns you keep falling in, why it is so difficult to be a certain way and do a certain thing. Then you can relax.

That is not the same as giving up, or finding excuses. Actually, the moment you accept the trigger for what it is (a thought, a situation, a feeling, a sensation) and refuse to label it as “me” and “reality”, is the moment you can open to proactivity. Good thing will come from it.