Tag: self-improvement

Giving time

Fabrizio1 Comment

Donating to charities or impactful causes might not be for everyone, but there’s a very accessible way to give that we can all practice regularly.

Giving time.

Giving time is personal, important, empathetic and transformational. No matter how busy we are, we can always find time to give. Either by mentoring, by coaching, by listening, by sharing our experience with those who have a different one, by merely being totally present.

There’s no training needed in giving time, you can start as soon as now. And the great thing is, the more you are in a bad place, the better giving time will make you feel.

[…] instead of moving away from your work when burnout strikes, you may actually need to move closer to it, albeit in a different manner. That different manner is “giving back” to your field. This can take many forms, including volunteering and mentoring, but the basic gist is that you should focus on helping others.

Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness, Peak Performance

It’s the stories

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It’s not what happened in our past that determines what will happen in our future.

Instead, it’s the stories we tell ourselves (and others) about what happened in the past that can have a profound impact on the stories we tell ourselves (and others) today and tomorrow.

We build narratives to make sense of what is going on, and they are powerful. But the good thing is, we can shape those narratives in a way that gives us purpose (vs takes purpose away), that shows a path (vs ends on a wall), that builds a future (vs destroys the past). And the even better thing is, the hope we give with our stories is contagious.

Let’s carefully work on our stories.

Keep them close

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It is very easy to project

fear,
anxiety,
doubts,
concerns,
pressure,
shortages,
anger,
failures

on others.

That’s what most of us do most of the time, as a shortcut to get those things out of the way. The problem is, other people care, and relationships get increasingly challenging when projecting becomes an habit.

One way to tackle this, is stop considering what we feel as negative (or positive).

Feelings can help us understand some important pieces about the world we leave in and our place in it. We should keep them close instead of ditching them, even when they hurt. Eventually, they’ll turn into something else.

They are not who we are, and certainly they are not who others around us are.

Start yesterday

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One of the greatest misconceptions of our days is that we can connect only when we are at our best.

I am not going outside as the outfit I wear is not appropriate.
I will not meet anybody as my hair have not been done yet.
This is not good to publish as I look like a pig in it.
I am not really photogenic, so go ahead and take the picture without me.

This also translates in a broader approach to doing.

I am not going to that event, I have nothing interesting to share.
I am not writing, I have not a great story to tell.
I will still shut up at the next meeting, people do not want to hear what I have to say.
I can’t do my best job, I am not in my most perfect condition.

The fact is, most relationships are built on difficult moments, challenges and adversities. And you will not realize what interesting, great and perfect are like until you will have done uninteresting, not great and imperfect at least a thousands time before.

Of course, the misconception and its broader translation is simply another face of resistance.

We should all have started yesterday.

Two steps

Fabrizio1 Comment

Why is this happening to me?
Why are they doing this to me?
Why is this situation so unfair (to me)?

This is where most people start from. And so the first step is the step of curiosity, taking yourself out of the equation and becoming genuinely interested in what is going on. Both inside and outside of you.

I wonder why this is happening.
There might be some reasons why they are doing this.
What is determining the situation?

The second step is the step of acceptance. We now know what is going on that makes an action, an event, a word, a scenario so unbearable for us, and we realise that all the fuss is determined by a story we are telling ourselves about the world. We are now free to let go of it and continue our important work.

This is happening.
They are doing this.
Here is the situation.