Tag: self-improvement

Not a straight line

FabrizioLeave a comment

Checking for others’ motives is a futile exercise, whose only purpose is to strengthen our internal narratives.

If I believe my work is not good enough, then the person asking how it is going is doing that only to mock me and enjoy my failure.

If I am not worth of the love of anybody, then the one checking on me is doing that only because they need something in return.

If I know I deserve that promotion, then the colleague who is silent about the process only wants to see my career end.

And on top of that, of couse motives are rarely absolute and unique. We ourselves often do things for a variety of reasons, some noble some less.

Helping those less lucky can be done out of compassion and because it gives us purpose.

We might ask how things are because we are genuinely interested in the other person and prefer to have chat rather than be left alone with our thoughts.

The tree we have planted in our garden is a great way to add to the green of the neighborhood and in its shadow we can relax in the hotter summer days.

Motives do not proceed in a straight line, and if we really want to find out about them, the best we can do is ask.

Better self

FabrizioLeave a comment

Most of us are on a journey to a better self, the best possible human being we can be at any given moment. And on such a journey, we are on our own. That does not mean we do not have partners, friends, parents and relatives, colleagues and peers, kids and acquaintances accompanying us and supporting us and giving us strength. What that means it that it is our responsibility alone to make decisions every day, at each turn, taking us closer to that better version of our selves.

Responding gently, rather than through clenched teeth.

Apologising, instead of waiting for an apology.

Saying thank you, instead of taking things for granted.

Sharing, instead of breeding narratives in our mind.

We are on our own, as they are on their own journey too.

On holiday

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you are about to go on holiday, the only obligation you have is to make of it a holiday for real. There is no urgency, last minute call, over time email, quick question, sudden change of plans, discomfort of your boss that makes it worth it change this.

Protect your time off and recharge the battery, your work will benefit from it.

All you need

FabrizioLeave a comment

Focus is one of the most important things if you want to drive meaningful change. It can be trained.

Sit down thirty minutes and do your work. No distractions, no breaks, no walks to the kitchen for a snack or a glass of water, no telephone in sight, no notifications on the computer. Just plain and simple work. Do that for one day.

Then do fourty-five minutes the next day, sixty minutes the following, and ninety minutes on the fourth day. Between sixty and ninety you will find your limit. Take note and commit to sitting down, every day, and doing your work for that amount of time with no interruption or distraction. When the time is over, go on a break for ten-fifteen minutes, then back to work for the same amount of time. You should be able to do that for four to six times each day.

That really is all you need.

See the 61

Fabrizio3 Comments

When you break an habit, particularly when it is still just an attempt to establish an habit, the tendency is to just give up the whole thing.

Perhaps you have medidated daily for two months, but then for a couple of days in a row you could not find any time to sit down and breathe. Most people would really struggle to go back to regular meditation. Despite the score being 61 to 2. That’s because we focus more on the streak than on the act itself. Once again, destination versus journey.

So when that happens, when you are breaking an habit, do not forget the work you have put in, the doing and the effort, the experience you have accumulated, the feeling of accomplishment.

Going back to it is not so impossible if what you see is the 61.