Tag: self-improvement

Straight line

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you look at success narrowly, you are pretty much stuck on a single, straight line.

It might be that achieving prestige, power, wealth is indeed your definition of success. That making as much money as possible is what drives you, what makes you feel good, your purpose in life.

But it might as well be that this version does not work for you. Actually, that is most likely. And so, what is the measure of a successful life? When you will look back at an older age, what will you see? What will you remember? What will move you to tears? Is that the next deal you are putting so much effort on? Is that the next 1,000 MQLs? Is that the role you crave to be promoted to?

Again, it might.

The problem though is that most of us are in the game just because somebody else told them that is what matters. And so we walk on the line, so desperately focused that when we stumble, we do not realize there are other lines close by to hang on to.

Life should not be miserable.

There comes a time when you ought to start doing what you want. Take a job that you love. You will jump out of bed in the morning. I think you are out of your mind if you keep taking jobs that you don’t like because you think it will look good on your resume. Isn’t that a little like saving up sex for your old age?

Warren Buffett

Nothing wrong

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I did nothing wrong.

Defensiveness is often the go-to strategy when we are put on the spot. In all honesty, though, we would be more accurate saying I did mean nothing wrong, or even better My intentions were in the right place.

When somebody negatively reacts to something we did or said, something clicks in our mind that forces us to preserve our reputation. It is a natural mechanism, nothing easily preventable, but if you think about it, that “something” is assuming that: 1. we are infallible; 2. if we fail, we fail deeply, as a person, as a human being.

Both are false, of course. And so, next time you feel the urge to say I did nothing wrong, stop for a moment and try instead asking How did what I said felt?, or What can I do better next time?, or even How can I make this right?

It is only by avoiding to take things personally and by expressing a real interest in what the others feel and perceive that we can build strong relationships.

And become, little by little, an improved version of a human being.

It does not matter

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There are always countless reasons to drop a practice.

A bad day. The shouting with your partner the night before. Laziness. Your boss just drops trivial tasks on your desk. Friends never call. That asshole just cut me off. Nobody is ever interested in what I do. It is always raining and the weather is crap. After all, why should it matter?

And so on.

I have dropped more practices than I care to admit myself. Until I realised, few years ago, that practices are not about perfection, good weather, healthy relationships, and praises from strangers.

Practices are about habit.

Practices are about commitment.

Practices are about doing.

And if you do long enough, you still get all of the above (and some more) and it does not matter.

The right time

FabrizioLeave a comment

How often do you feel confident showing your work?

Probably almost never. Showing your work is difficult. It means opening up to the judgement of others, accepting you might have done something others will not pick, transitioning control from you to the rest of the world. And so, you keep your work hidden. You continue adding to it, refining it, editing it, perfecting it. The right time, of course, will never come.

As many other things, showing your work is a muscle. It can get trained. Do it once, do it twice, do it ten times, and eventually it will become natural.

Start today.

P.S.: A great question to ask when you are this kind of stuck (or any kind of stuck) is always: “what is the worst thing that could happen?“. The point being: the absolute worst thing is probably very unlikely to happen, while the worst thing that is likely to happen is often something you can easily live through. As a matter of fact, you probably have already in the past. Keep yourself anchored.

Gratification and impact

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When you pick up the phone while you are driving, you are choosing a short-term gratification (reading the message you just got) over a long-term impact (the attention you need to drive safely).

When you speed up to pass the car in front of you, despite the continuous line, you are choosing a short-term gratification (the impression to be able to get to your destination faster) over a long-term impact (the care and patience you need to drive safely).

When you click on the notification that pops up on your screen while working, you are choosing a short-term gratification (being on top of what is happening) over a long-term impact (delivering your work with consistence).

When you scream in the face of the person in front of you, you are choosing a short-term gratification (a rush of power, or letting go of your stress) over a long-term impact (building a relationship of trust, or training your capacity of not reacting).

When you skip your daily training, you are choosing a short-term gratification (an hour or so of available time) over a long-term impact (being in good shape and health).

You get the drill.

Most of our small, daily choices are a trade off between gratification and impact. Of course, we do not pay much attention to most of them, because that is not the way we are wired.Yet, we tend to forget that the long term is but a succession of short terms, not something magic that will spark out of nothing at some point in time.

Be intentional about what you do.