The energy we invest in looking good is in a negative relationship with our ability to actually be good.
Looking the best. Being the best.
The earlier you realize which one matters, the earlier you will be gifted with time and resources to go do what you care about.
If only should be the last resource when we are trying to find a reason. In reality, we often use it as the go-to excuse when we are trying to hide.
If only the weather was good, I would go for a walk.
If only they would care, I could publish more articles.
If only my boss would get me, I would finally be promoted.
If only my partner would listen, our relationship would be fine.
Many situations are better approached from the inside out. What can you change? What can you control? What are the things you are going to do no matter what?
When you do that, if only fades away. And you will find there is more you can do to change the narrative you are stuck into.
If you can’t keep your word, others won’t do it for you.
If you can’t deliver your project in time, others won’t do it for you.
If you don’t believe in your strengths, others won’t do it for you.
If you can’t find it in you to show up every day and deliver, others won’t do it for you.
If you can’t be compassionate towards yourselves, and understand when you have hit a rough patch, others won’t do it for you.
If you can’t accept that most of what’s happening is beyond your control, others won’t do it for you.
If you can’t say I am sorry and take action to repair, others won’t do it for you.
If you won’t take a stand, others won’t do it for you.
If you stop caring, others won’t do it for you.
If you can’t commit to self-awareness, others won’t do it for you.
If you won’t pursue a balance in your life, some sort of contentment, others won’t do it for you.
It’s all there is.
It is you.
At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to do, not to show up, not to participate, not to express your opinion, not to come up with a new way of doing things, not to listen. Hundreds of reason not to.
It might be the toxic environment, the unpleasant colleague, the bossy manager, the trivial task, the task that is too difficult. It might be your past, the previous experiences, a pattern that often shows up. Sometimes it’s something that was not said, sometimes it’s something that was said in the wrong tone. Or perhaps a gaze, a word, a posture, a silence, a delay. Your fears, your preoccupations, your ambitions. The culture of not to. The pressure of your peers. The reasons everyone keeps giving you.
At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to.
And only one reason to.
That reason is you.
Change does not wipe away what was. It builds on it.
And when we change, it is often so that what we build looks way too similar to what was. After all, it is easier to fall back on what is known than it is to imagine the unknown.
It is ok, as change is an additive process. It is made of layers on top of each others. Some familiar, some peculiar. While you go, you will realize that change is happening, even when it does not seem so.
That is when you start to appreciate the journey and understand that the destination is mere chance.
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