Tag: resistance

Companions

FabrizioLeave a comment

After one year (and counting) dealing with social distancing, isolation, uncertainty, fear of sickness and death, confinment, lack of freedom, impossibility to meet family and friends, video-conferencing, constant worrying.

We are all exhausted.

So if you are too, that is fine.

If you struggle to find motivation, if you do not want to get started, if you would rather call in sick, if you start thinking it’s not worth it.

You are not alone.

Reach out to somebody today. Tell them about how you feel. Listen as they tell you how they feel. And find a companion.

We all need that now.

Villain turned hero

Fabrizio1 Comment

Many business books (strategy books, leadership books, self-improvements books) present their ideas in a villain vs hero way.

On one side, there are undesirable strategies, leadership styles, behaviours, tactics and on the other are desirable strategies, leadership styles, behaviours, tactics.

And this is where they fail to inspire change, for two reasons mainly. First of all, very few people identify with the villain – I am not the villain, then why should I change?. And secondly, the positive features of the hero are presented as innate, almost magical – I am not a demi-god, so why bother?.

A villain turned hero approach would probably be more effective. It would humanize failure, introduce shades of grey, and make the whole story more approachable and relatable.

This is something to keep in mind also for the next story you are going to tell.

Others won’t do it

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you can’t keep your word, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t deliver your project in time, others won’t do it for you.

If you don’t believe in your strengths, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t find it in you to show up every day and deliver, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t be compassionate towards yourselves, and understand when you have hit a rough patch, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t accept that most of what’s happening is beyond your control, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t say I am sorry and take action to repair, others won’t do it for you.

If you won’t take a stand, others won’t do it for you.

If you stop caring, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t commit to self-awareness, others won’t do it for you.

If you won’t pursue a balance in your life, some sort of contentment, others won’t do it for you.

It’s all there is.

It is you.

The reason is you

FabrizioLeave a comment

At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to do, not to show up, not to participate, not to express your opinion, not to come up with a new way of doing things, not to listen. Hundreds of reason not to.

It might be the toxic environment, the unpleasant colleague, the bossy manager, the trivial task, the task that is too difficult. It might be your past, the previous experiences, a pattern that often shows up. Sometimes it’s something that was not said, sometimes it’s something that was said in the wrong tone. Or perhaps a gaze, a word, a posture, a silence, a delay. Your fears, your preoccupations, your ambitions. The culture of not to. The pressure of your peers. The reasons everyone keeps giving you.

At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to.

And only one reason to.

That reason is you.

Through the eyes of others

FabrizioLeave a comment

The only possibility we have to get a reliable view on ourselves is to look through the eyes of others.

Most of us have the tendency to think we are better than the average. We think we are more intelligent, better performing, more charitable, more careful, even in the face of evidence that we are not.

Or we beat ourselves up for things we did well. We give in to resistance, we feel our work is not yet perfect, our blog post not enough researched, our project not ready to be launched yet.

And so, it’s the others who can be our compass.

Ask those whom you hold dear, listen to their criticism, and act on it. When you are not getting the honest opinion you were seeking, look at facts, events, circumstances that tend to repeat themselves with different people, in different context, at different times. If you often find yourself raising your voice, you might have a challenging temperament; if you are not getting promoted in a series of consecutive gigs, you might have to adjust your professional presence; if you continuously find it difficult to convince others of your views, you might want to start crystallizing important ideas first; if your work is not getting the results you were expecting, you might try setting some relevant metrics to track over time.

The point is, the sooner you get out of your mind when it comes to judging yourself and your work, the more practical and actionable feedback you will get. Be the one who determines where to look, then let others be your guide.