Tag: resistance

Grounded

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We are bad at estimating and predicting. Our gut feeling is nothing more than a feeling. We have opinions and ideas that are, for the most part, pretty average. In almost every situation, there is at least someone else who is more prepared, more qualified, more worthy than we are. When we think we are giving advice, we are actually mostly telling others to do what we have not found the courage to do ourselves. We are different and unique, yet not necessarily better, more prepared, or smarter.

When we remain grounded, it is much easier to appreciate ourselves and others.

A difference that matters

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There are two different mindsets with which you can approach a request for help.

One defaults to figuring out how the act of helping does impact one’s own routine.

Does it mean I will have to wake up earlier? Does it mean I will have to postpone my planned holiday? Does it mean I will have to renounce a relaxing evening watching my favourite TV series?

The other defaults to caring about how the act of helping does impact the other person’s life.

The two mindsets often have very similar outcomes. Because when somebody asks for help, people in general tend to give help.

The difference though is in how you feel about helping – and whether or not you will seek to help more in the future – and in how the other person feels about you helping – and whether or not they will seek help more freely in the future.

It is a difference that matters.

Sense of progress

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When you sit down to do your work, start by deciding what is the #1 thing you want to get done today.

Is that a presentation?

A 3,000-word blog post?

The new LinkedIn campaign?

The quarterly report for the next board meeting?

Some estimates for next year?

A meaningful piece of a bigger project?

Whatever it is, start the day by picking the #1 thing, the one that will make that day a success. Take regular breaks as you go about it, but don’t stop your concentration by jumping to other stuff before you have that completed.

That’s what will give a real, tangible, and consistent sense of progress.

Indispensable

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With some colleagues, things click right away. You trust them, they trust you. They are great to be around, deliver on their promises, they are competent and you have that feeling that you can learn a lot from them.

With some colleagues, it takes time for things to click. And that’s when things get difficult, because instead of relying on them, you create more work for yourself and other colleagues. Instead of giving them responsibilities, you start micro-managing or ignoring them. You become critical of everything they do and eventually loose any interest in even sitting down with them to have a chat.

When this is the challenge, do over communicate instead. Set ground rules and check that they still stand frequently. Be vocal about the discomfort, ask about their discomfort, and get to know them outside of what they do in their working hours.

That’s how you make yourself unique and indispensable.

This is it

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What is joy?

What is commitment?

What is love?

What is friendship?

You can take these questions from the top-down. You take a definition – the one your parents gave you, the one your culture preaches, the one your past taught you – and you try to find what it is that take you as close to it as possible. As these are ideals, it’s difficult to seek them and make them real. It’s usually disappointing.

You can also take these questions from the bottom-up. You look at your life – what is given to you, what you are taking with your skills and attitude, what you give out to others – and label the individual items with the term that best fits.

You say, “this is joy” after a genuine laugh. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is commitment” after some hard work. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is love” after holding your partner in an intimate embrace. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is friendship” after a 2-hour chat with your heart wide open. And you seek more of it.

This is it.

You are dealt some cards and it’s up to you to make of them whatever you pursuit. Change will follow, and it begins with you noticing that you already have the ideal life.