In order to set your mind to giving, you have to rid yourself of the expectation to get something in return.
Of course, mixed motives will play a role. But it’s eternally unsatisfying to keep a ledger of what goes and what comes.
Give freely and you will be ready to welcome any reward.
Tomorrow you can try to:
If you do, take note of how it is. And if it is good, try to do it the day after as well. Perhaps try to add another one from the list, or from your list. Expand from there.
When you lose control, your instinct tells you to control whatever it is left. The problem is, often what is left does not need your control.
If your relationship is going downhill, you strengthen your grip on your kids. Do this, don’t do that, come here, go there. Of course, they don’t need any of that.
If your team is failing to meet their goals, you double down on your team members. This is wrong, we should try that, why is this happening. Of course, they don’t need any of that.
If your creativity has hit a plateau, you focus more and more on the small details. Let’s refine the tone, let’s make it perfect. Of course, the details are – in most cases – meaningless.
It’d be great if you could just let go of control in the first place, so as to not risk to lose it at any point. It would save a lot of trouble.
It’s so easy to feel attacked when somebody gives you critical feedback or even just points at some mistake you made. It’s even easier when you are tired, when you are going through a rough patch, when you have had bad experiences in your past, or when you are generally not used to get feedback.
If you can just hold your thoughts for a little longer, though, you can see that’s not the feedback that’s hurting. It’s the tiredness, the fear, the stress, the insecureness.
Say it.
“I’m tired”.
“I’m under a lot of stress and I needed an easy win”.
“I’m sorry, I will fix that, it’s just something I don’t feel particularly confident with”.
That little labelling exercise will completely shift the narrative. From defensive you become open. And when you are open, anything can happen.
Record your thoughts. On video, audio only, no matter the equipment.
Write your thoughts. On a journal, a notepad, no matter how clearly.
Recording and writing your thoughts is a sure way to free space in your mind, to clarify your ideas, and to improve your skills when it comes to elaborate complex concepts.
Play with it. Do short form, long form, free form, scripted form. Try different things, repeat and confirm, change your mind, enjoy yourself.
And find the courage to hit publish, sooner rather than later.
P.S.: Perfect is an excuse.
PP.S.: Tools are also an excuse.
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