Tag: resistance

Blameless

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Does the devil know he’s the devil?

Elizabeth Madox Roberts

That person you think is being mean to you, probably sees themselves as fair and balanced.

Because nobody thinks they are at fault. Nobody thinks that what they are doing is not the right thing to do in that particular time and place. Nobody wakes in the morning saying they will be the bad guy today, or they will hurt somebody, or they will make decisions that will put hundreds out of a job.

Most things merely happen. And while we like to think that there’s an hidden agenda behind them, that somebody’s masterplan is making it more difficult for us to be happy, that our antagonist is out there to get us, that’s just the delusion that comes from us being the main character to our own story.

Most things merely happen. Or at best, they are the consequence of years of inertia, of a series of actions that somebody has done without even thinking twice about them, of a lack of ownership or imagination in somebody’s writing of their own story.

Nobody can be really blamed for that.

When was it exactly that I became . . . this? By small degrees, I suppose. One act presses hard upon another, on a path we have no choice but to follow, and each time there are reasons. We do what we must, we do what we are told, we do what is easiest. What else can we do but solve one sordid problem at a time? Then one day we look up and find that we are . . . this.

Joe Abercrombie, The Last Argument of Kings

Bold with decisions

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You have made a decision, now be bold when sharing it.

Don’t look for excuses – as in we would not do it, but ..

Don’t give up the ownership – as in I did not agree, but ..

Don’t delay further – as in let’s try first, then ..

Don’t beat around the bush – as in let me tell you of all the reasons why ..

Don’t be smug about it – as in you’ll see the results this will bring ..

You have a decision, not many do that, go for it. Sure, you can change your mind later, consider new information, eventually go in a different direction. But for the time you are in the decision you have made, be bold and strong.

It’s a good part of making the decision a success.

Compliments

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Why do we reject compliments?

Why can’t we take in positive comments, appreciations, praises?

Why don’t we make of a great review as big a deal as we do of a terrible one?

We need to be able to use compliments to shield us from stress and anxiety, to write with them the soundtrack to our days, to hold them close while we build our own identity.

Say “thank you!” the next time someone compliments you. Let it sink in, make it yours. Take it.

Perspective

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There’s not much you can do if others think poorly of you, don’t invite you out, avoid spending time with you, talk behind your back, badmouth you.

What you can do though is change the way you think of you and others.

That will shift the perspective and put the initial problem completely out of your mind.

Labels

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Labels can help you anchor your experience. Knowing that you are a male, a father, a husband, a marketer, a son, a friend can help you find your identity, your group, your meaning.

But at the end of the day, when you abuse labels, you go through life with expectations that are fictitious. And you risk to force variegated experiences in boundaries that just won’t hold them.

Get into the habit to use labels for what they are, nothing more than a possibility. It’s going to be easier to get rid of them and live life to its full potential.