Tag: relationships

Your loss

FabrizioLeave a comment

Writing things down, making a public commitment, pinning an item on the calendar.

To some these actions mean being one step farther to actually doing.

It is a form of resistance. It does not matter if we are in charge or if someone else is in charge. The very same moment we are saying “I am going to do it”, an almost unconscious reaction is triggered that goes the opposite way: “I am not going to do it”.

The only cure is to deeply understand that no one cares.

Your boss might be disappointed, they will still be your boss. Your company might lose some money, they will most likely survive. Your friends are going to stop relying on you, and go find other friends. Your project will probably be delayed, and your audience is going to seek something else to give attention to.

The only one person who has deeply to lose from this behavior is you.

Agree and disagree

Fabrizio3 Comments

Always make an effort to start with what you agree on.

We are wired to focus on the negative feedback, on the opposite opinions, on the rejections, on the new ideas. And so, we need intention to spot agreement.

Next time you get a difficult email, a new plan, a lengthy piece of feedback, a written comment, the notes from a difficult conversation, the minutes of a heated meeting. Print it out, take two markers of different color, highlight what you agree on with one and what you disagree on with the other.

Be honest and impartial. You will have set yourself on a learning path.

Eager

FabrizioLeave a comment

It is great to be excited about something, to be enthusiastic, to be waiting for it, to prepare and make sure everyone gets the best out of the experience.

It is way less great when the attitude gets past excitement and shifts to eagerness. Eager as in sour, bitter, rough, forceful, pungent. It is when you do not leave others space. When you cut others short to make a point. When saying what you think to know is more important than letting others tell of their experience. When you make decisions without consulting, when you change the work without informing, when you demand agreement without explaining, when you take the spotlight without elevating.

Enthusiasm is contagious. But if you are eager instead, you will go alone.

The ruler

FabrizioLeave a comment

We all measure success by some kind of ruler, and this ruler needs to have two characteristics.

It needs to be consistent. So that you can measure ups and downs over time, and maintain the course on the same objective (or set of objectives).

And it needs to be relevant. To you, and to those you seek to serve, your audience, your people.

If you change the ruler, distort the scale, zoom in and zoom out, what you get is not a consistent and relevant measure of your success.

Raising the bar

FabrizioLeave a comment

Why would I?

Wear a mask.

Commit to that project.

Take the first step to mend a relationship.

Respect the rules.

Be kind to others.

Pay taxes.

Give back to the community.

Sit down and just listen.

Not lie.

When nobody else is doing it?

It is a way of hiding that lowers the bar. In your family, your company, your circle, your life. Chances are that nobody is acting out of habit, ignorance, laziness. Perhaps all they need is somebody who shows them a different way.

That somebody could be you.