It’s incredible how little people need.
Attention.
Care.
Support.
It’s equally incredible how difficult it is to give that to them. Unconditionally.
Tag: relationships
It wasn’t me
Most of the times, when something is wrong, our first reaction is: it wasn’t me.
And most of the times, that really doesn’t matter. Because the point is that something is wrong, not who was the one who made it so.
Instead, you can try to say: I’ll fix it. Or: here’s what I will do about it.
When the wrong is righted, nobody will remember whose fault it was.
Taking time
Don’t underestimate the effect of taking time.
Before sending out an important email.
Before replying to an unnerving message.
Before making a crucial decision.
Contrary to waiting, taking time is an intentional effort. It requires you to get out of the current situation and of the flow of emotions to make some distance between you and the subject of the intended action. It gives space for relaxation and reflection. It gifts clarity of mind.
Ask, resist, and frame
Three things you can start doing right away to unlock other people’s potential.
- Ask clear, open questions – Abuse what and how, get rid of be and do. One example: instead of are you happy with the project? ask what are you happy about with this project?
- Resist giving answers – Even when you know and are sure, an answer not given gives the possibility to the other person to figure it out. Go back to #1 and ask things like what will do with this information? or how do you plan to tackle this issue? or what’s the next step to figure this out?
- Frame everything – Help others put what they do in perspective, anchor the day-to-day in the broader picture, make evident the link with company goals, community goals, life goals. If you do #1 and #2 you should maintain the distance necessary to focus exactly on #3.
Empty-handed
The moment you make an argument personal is the moment you lose it.
If your position is right because the other is wrong, or is an idiot, or did not do a good enough job, or is not as competent, your position is extremely weak. And even if you are right, there’s no way you can prove them wrong.
Keep discussions around facts instead and be ready to accept other opinions as valid and worth your consideration.
Arguments are negotiations, and no negotiation can leave one party empty-handed.
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