Tag: relationships

Training empathy

FabrizioLeave a comment

We must say “I am sorry” and “thank you” as many time as it is needed to strip the expressions of any trace of shame, defeat, capitulation. We must say that often, over and over again.

Even when we are not fully convinced we should.

Even when the other person’s behaviour does not fully justify it.

Even when there are tens of additional things to take into consideration.

It is one of the most effective ways to train the empathy muscle, and start seeing those around us as human beings that live outside of our narratives.

Give it a try.

Happiness

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No one is responsible for your happiness but you.

Not your boss, who is delaying your promotion until next year.

Not your partner, who is distracted by their troubles and can’t always give what you would like.

Not your kids, who have been fussy lately, always trying to catch your attention as soon as you start doing something that matters.

Not your friends, who cannot commit to a vacation together for any reason they choose to share.

People around you are important and crucial in supporting your efforts, sharing your values and worldview, making you learn and grow as a human being. Yet, the decisions they make and the actions they take are not the reasons why you are (or are not) happy.

No one is responsible for your happiness but you.

And you are responsible for no one’s happiness but yours.

With this in mind, focus.

In the middle

FabrizioLeave a comment

As it often happens with complex issues, even the discourse around the current pandemic has been shrinked to a binary matter: economy vs (public) health.

And of course, as with any complex issue, there is much more to take into consideration. There is the problem of parents who are taking care of their kids full-time while also working. There is the problem of foreign students who can’t support themselves for the lack of part-time and seasonal jobs. There is the effect of high level of stress and anxiety on the general well-being, that clearly mostly affects those who already face difficulties in a normal situation (and not only in the US).

If we want to move past (and forward) this serious situation, picking a side is probably not the wisest thing to do right now. Let’s stay in the middle instead, let’s listen to and appreciate the various stories that are emerging, and let’s together envision a future where greys are not squeezed for the sake of polarization.

Not a straight line

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Checking for others’ motives is a futile exercise, whose only purpose is to strengthen our internal narratives.

If I believe my work is not good enough, then the person asking how it is going is doing that only to mock me and enjoy my failure.

If I am not worth of the love of anybody, then the one checking on me is doing that only because they need something in return.

If I know I deserve that promotion, then the colleague who is silent about the process only wants to see my career end.

And on top of that, of couse motives are rarely absolute and unique. We ourselves often do things for a variety of reasons, some noble some less.

Helping those less lucky can be done out of compassion and because it gives us purpose.

We might ask how things are because we are genuinely interested in the other person and prefer to have chat rather than be left alone with our thoughts.

The tree we have planted in our garden is a great way to add to the green of the neighborhood and in its shadow we can relax in the hotter summer days.

Motives do not proceed in a straight line, and if we really want to find out about them, the best we can do is ask.

Better self

FabrizioLeave a comment

Most of us are on a journey to a better self, the best possible human being we can be at any given moment. And on such a journey, we are on our own. That does not mean we do not have partners, friends, parents and relatives, colleagues and peers, kids and acquaintances accompanying us and supporting us and giving us strength. What that means it that it is our responsibility alone to make decisions every day, at each turn, taking us closer to that better version of our selves.

Responding gently, rather than through clenched teeth.

Apologising, instead of waiting for an apology.

Saying thank you, instead of taking things for granted.

Sharing, instead of breeding narratives in our mind.

We are on our own, as they are on their own journey too.