Tag: problems

No solution

FabrizioLeave a comment

Caring about others, about a situation, about an outcome it’s not finding an immediate solution.

It is more about persistence.

Asking how someone is, inquiring about the status of a project, ensuring people who come to you with issues, fears, troubles, complaints feel heard and respected, coming up with ways to help and continuing doing that when help is rejected, truly listening and deeply caring. Doing this over a period of time, regularly, without waiting for others to ask, without missing an opportunity to show that it matters to you, without assuming that having nothing new to say is having nothing to say at all.

We are all very good at offering our support. We are also equally good at finding any possible way to escape from having to actually give it.

Opposition

FabrizioLeave a comment

We often find meaning and identity in opposition.

Groups get stronger when they are attacked. Their members feel closer to each other when there is a stranger around, and they find agreement when the topic is a different group.

And the more we are weak, the more this happens with intensity and fervour. The less we know about ourselves, the more we seek in others.

It is only when we accept that every one, every group, every community has their strengths and weakness, their leaders and followers, their lights and shadows. It is only then, when we raise, that we can really find who we are, what we stand for, and where we call home.

The helper

Fabrizio2 Comments

You can’t fight fear.

You cannot pretend it is not there, you cannot walk past it, turn a blind eye to it, give it another name, a different guise, a more appealing shape.

You can’t run from it, outpace it, hide in the shadow of your strenghts and possessions. That is where fear will eventually find you.

You also can’t stop and stand in front of fear. You can’t circle around it, spiral inside of it, let fear feel you are close. That is what fear craves the most.

What you can do, then, is look fear in the eyes.

Get to know it well, hold its hand, and take it with you on your journey.

You can’t fight fear, because fear is not the enemy.

Fear is just the helper.

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true:
That even as we grieved, we grew.
That even as we hurt, we hoped.
That even as we tired, we tried.
That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.
Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

Amanda Gorman, The Hill We Climb.

What question

Fabrizio4 Comments

What are the next steps? Do I get to be involved?

These are two questions, or is it actually one? We could ask what is our real intention.

If we are genuinely curious about the next steps, then we should just stop at the first question.
If we want to know if we need to allocate time because of our involvement, then we should just go with the second one.
If we want to be involved, then we should just say it and avoid the question.

Can I ask if you have made the decision already?

This is one question, but it turns out we are asking two. Out of excessive politeness, most definitely.

If we want to know if the person is free to answer, then we should just stop at the first question.
If we want to know whether a decision has been made, then we should just go with the second one.
If we want to know the decision that was made, then we should just go ahead and ask directly.

Communication is complex, so much so that it often fails. Why add complexity?

Ask yourself what you want to know, then make the question that can get you the answer.

Fairly and kindly

FabrizioLeave a comment

The things you believe you do to others, you actually end up doing them to yourself.

The smart comeback to your colleague’s comment is going to hurt a relationship that is important to you.

The reply you have not sent to that important message is holding the project back and yourself accountable.

The carefully planned revenge on the person who crossed you once is taking all of your energy and focus.

The lie you are saying to get ahead this time is giving permission to others to lie to you to do the same.

The silence treatment you are giving your partner is not contributing to a relationship where you feel comfortable sharing and growing.

The only way to achieve what is important to you is to treat others fairly and kindly. The rest is just an elaborated narrative we tell ourselves to keep us from committing and moving on.

Let go and do instead.