The road to change

People might do what you ask them to do for a number of reasons. It might be your charisma, or the position you hold, or fear, or compliance, or perhaps a new rule you just came up with. It is possible to get people to do things they don’t want to do. In fact, it is not even that difficult. But that is not change.

For change to happen, for it to bring a positive impact on the people around you and your environment, there needs to be a conversation. To build rapport, to draft a common way to view the world, to list a series of actions that might make sense in that world, and to eventually agree on which ones we will pursue that will make that world better.

It is extremely difficult, and that’s why many take the shortcut and jump right into the actions that will make the world better – essentially a list of tasks that they think might be the right thing to do.

It never has a lasting impact.

Influencing others

There is no behavior that you can promote without embracing it fully.

Telling your team that they should not work the weekends while you are working all weekends is not going to be effective.

Telling friends that they should call you more often while you never call is not going to be effective.

Telling your kids that they should not lie while they see you lying every day is not going to be effective.

We have a lot of power to influence others’ actions, we are just not confident enough to acknowledge that.

The first step

Looking at things from another person’s perspective does not mean you are giving up. It does not mean you are wrong. It does not mean you agree with them. It does not mean that you are going to change your mind.

It merely means that you are open to accept that the other person is living through different circumstances, has a different set of prioritites, has different feelings, fears, and thoughts. It means you are ready to appreciate how variegated human behaviour can be. And it means that you care.

It’s not a loss. It’s the first step towards building empathy.

In the shades

It’s not you vs your boss, your colleague, your partner, your friend, your child.

It’s not us vs the bigots, the social media, the conservatives, the progressives.

We suffer as they suffer. You feel as they feel. I act as you act.

Life is not a dichotomy and you are very rarely required to take sides.

It’s in the shades that we meet and thrive.

Commit to delivering

What do you value most?

Being right or getting things done?

If you spend time proving you are right, searching for evidence to argue against others, making sure everyone understands and recognizes your contribution, hoping that others will fail, things will be slow.

If on the other hand you are committed to delivering, being right becomes a nonproblem. You accept things and let go of things for the sake of a greater purpose.

It won’t take long to realize you can’t have both.