Both nice and rude are roadblocks to change.
One because it hides a truth, the other because it distracts from it.
Being in the middle is worth the effort.
Tag: feedback
Not acting on feedback
Never act on every single piece of feedback. And be aware that not acting on feedback is a strong signal you are sending.
What are you going to say when asked about it?
Option number one. “I forgot”. It can certainly happen, and what you are basically saying is that the relationship with the person who delivered the feedback is probably not as important as they thought. Not necessarily a bad signal to send, but one to go about extremely carefully.
Option number two. “I considered it, and did this instead”. It shows reflection and thoughtfulness, nonetheless it will probably not buy you any additional points with the person who delivered the feedback. Make a strong argument and possibly support it with facts. It will at least solidify your reasoning for going a different way.
Option number three. “I don’t care”. The person who delivered the feedback is not your audience, somebody you care about, somebody your work is for. It is actually positive to make this decision every now and then, be extremely mindful about it.
Where did you stand the last time you did not act on feedback received?
Mentor
In December 1997, Los Angeles Lakers played the Bulls in Chicago. Many consider that the first real face-off between Kobe Bryant (who had been drafted the year before) and Michael Jordan (who had already won five championships).
During a break in the game, Bryant is close to Jordan. Bryant grew up watching Jordan play, he’s his idol. Bryant is bold enough to ask Jordan a question about his game: “how do you feel the defense when you turn around on your jump shot?”.
Now, Jordan could have done many different things here. He was the undisputed star of the NBA, he was going to win another championship that year. Yet, he knew that could not last forever, and many thought Bryant was his successor, the new rising star destined to take his place in the hearts of millions of fan.
Jordan could have done many different things. He could have walked away, he could have laughed it off, he could have hidden his secret, he could have shared the wrong information, he could have told the newbie to come back after winning five rings.
And he decided to share his expertise. “You feel them with your legs.”
Knowledge is no longer a limited resources (provided it ever was). Knowledge is incremental, and every time you share your knowledge, you add another person’s perspective, experience, take to it. Knowledge grows, and eventually it makes a community (whether it is the National Basketball Association, your team, your neighborhood or your family) better.
Mentoring is the very act of sharing knowledge. We can make of it a practice and be generous with what we know, be open to give it away, and perhaps see it returning in time with some new twists.
And if you are in the young Bryant’s shoes, be bold enough to ask.
This is the practice of leadership.
What feedback is not
You can’t respond to feedback with a counterargument, a justification, an elaboration of the original idea.
Feedback is not a discussion, something you ought to win, a way for you to influence others with your perspective. Feedback is not an attack, something you have to defend against, a way for others to bring you down. In most cases, feedback is also not supposed to start an action, something that puts an obligation onto you, a way for others to have your work rectified or changed.
The only, immediate, acceptable response to receiving feedback is always: thank you!
Tension breaks down
You are never the best judge of your own work. You cannot be.
Sometimes it is because of sunk costs, other times because of laziness, more often than not simply because your perspective is narrow, as it takes an incredible effort to see the world as others might. And so, we are often in tension between judging our work too harshly or too softly. Either way, it is never an appropriate measure for how we are doing.
This is valid also for groups. Going beyond the boundaries of what is known, liked, achieved is extremely difficult. Sometimes, we can mitigate this with diversity, and we should certainly try. But in the long term, a group will always appreciate their work with some degree of distortion.
Of course, this should not stop us from doing the work. Actually, it is an additional reason to put our work out there as soon as we deem it good enough. To see if there’s a fit, if it resonates, if it works, if it can spread. And if the answer is no, go back and repeat.
What we should never do, on the other hand, is protect the work from others, from feedback, from criticism, from admiration. We should not become executors that see a delivery (or a missed one) as the final stage. What we should never do is give that tension too much power, because eventually tension breaks down. You might be too far, too lost, too blind by that time to get back on track.
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