Tag: feedback

The best self-promotion tool

Fabrizio1 Comment

If you are starting in a new role, make it your first priority to talk to people who work close to you.

Your direct reports, their reports, your peers, those you will collaborate with in adjacent teams, your manager, their manager.

There is no rule for where you should stop, just do it with common sense.

And while the instict would probably push you to use the conversations to promote yourself, your background, your agenda, make it so instead that you will mainly listen. Understand who you are talking to, what motivates them, how they get measured, what success means to them.

If you do that effectively, you can’t fail. You will deliver exactly what they need, and they will be the ones promoting you and your agenda when that is needed.

Listening is the best self-promotion tool.

From the inside out

FabrizioLeave a comment

If only should be the last resource when we are trying to find a reason. In reality, we often use it as the go-to excuse when we are trying to hide.

If only the weather was good, I would go for a walk.

If only they would care, I could publish more articles.

If only my boss would get me, I would finally be promoted.

If only my partner would listen, our relationship would be fine.

Many situations are better approached from the inside out. What can you change? What can you control? What are the things you are going to do no matter what?

When you do that, if only fades away. And you will find there is more you can do to change the narrative you are stuck into.

Most of the times

Fabrizio3 Comments

Bad is the place of commiseration. Good is the place of recognition.

But most of the times, we are not good parents or bad parents. We are not good colleagues or bad colleagues. We are not good persons or bad persons. We are not good performers or bad performers. We are not good partners or bad partners. We are not good bosses or bad bosses.

Most of the times, we are average.

And that is what we hate the most. The fact that, most of the times, we are not worthy neither of commiseration nor of recognition. The idea that we are mostly like most of our peers. That we spend the vast majority of our lives in the middle.

The vast middle is the place of renunciation.

Not renunciation as in giving up. But renunciation as in recognizing that we already are exactly where we need to be. Renunciation as in renuncing the unsatisfactory experience.

This is the most difficult step.

Don’t recall. Let go of what has passed.
Don’t imagine. Let go of what may come.
Don’t think. Let go of what is happening now.
Don’t examine. Don’t try to figure anything out.
Don’t control. Don’t try to make anything happen.

Tilopa’s six words of advice

About to escalate

FabrizioLeave a comment

When a situation is about to escalate, be ready to do two things.

First, be ready to have a difficult conversation face to face. You can’t send an email, you can’t text, you can’t use the chat. In certain circumstances, you may still be able to use the phone, but be prepared when possible to meet face to face (or camera to camera in today’s world).

Second, be ready to concede. You will not get out of it if you put your foot down, if you want to win it all, if you are not open to be proven, at least in part, wrong.

But before that, how do you know a situation is about to escalate?

You feel it. You understand something is not right when you feel you are getting agitated, when you sense that being right is becoming more important than the outcome, when any minor event gets charged of unrealistic importance. So much so that you have to tell somebody or do something right away.

You have the power to defuse such incredibly dangerous situation, do not get sucked into them.

The real challenge

Fabrizio1 Comment

Sometimes a genuine laugh and a little openness can make us feel on the right track once again.

And if that works for us, we can be sure it would do miracle for others as well. When you put kindness and honesty out there, the effects compound, and the return transcends your personal boundaries.

We all seek connection in what we do.

Funnily enough, the real challenge is often to be the first offering it.