How often do you compliment yourself?
For something you have achieved, for not giving up, for an argument you have avoided, even just for waking up in a difficult moment.
We seek recognition from others, yet that is fragile and volatile.
Compliment yourself instead, every time you know that you deserve it. It will build confidence for the long term.
If your team complains about something, it’s not because they are spoiled, naive, or junior. If they complain often, that’s even more true.
There’s probably some deeper issues behind their behaviour. They might not feel motivated, or they might have the impression they are not free to make their own decisions, or they might just be disoriented by the continuously moving targets.
It’s your responsibility as a team lead to figure that out, because you can’t really start talking about performance, goals, development, until you clear the air and tackle the complaints.
And “tackle” is not about blindly accepting all request, but rather managing them.
“Here is how we are going to do this”.
“Here is why we can’t do that.”
“Here is who is going to be responsible for the other thing.”
And so on.
Being a manager is more than a higher salary.
What’s one thing you can get done this week?
Perhaps it’s something you are waiting feedback on, something that got stuck in a process, something you are waiting to kick start in the new year, something you have never found the time for, something that would require help from somebody else.
Will you commit to get it done this week? Will it be done by Sunday evening?
Small commitments we take with ourselves, and the developing capacity to deliver on them, make all the difference in the world.
You can’t pretend to know what’s better for others. Not even your dear ones.
And you can’t pretend others will come to you when they need something. Or express that in a way that makes what they need clear.
What you can and should do, instead, is to be aware of and vocal about what is better for you. And be adamant about it.
It might actually be so that it will help others figure out their own stuff. Or at least, if you are the person that will help or not.
How quickly can you get out of an argument?
How quickly can you say, “it does not matter”, and forget about it.
How quickly can you say, “you might be right”, and shift your perspective.
How quickly can you say, “we don’t agree”, and proceed together.
How quickly can you say, “that’s alright”, and put the difference out of your mind.
Just a reminder that no matter how hard you try, you can’t win an argument.
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