One huge misunderstanding is that by being a decent person you have the right to have it easy.
That’s why many find it difficult to find a meaning when something bad is happening. What have I done? Why me? Isn’t it unfair, after all that I have committed and given?
But one should be kind, supportive, helpful, available, loving, not because of what they get in return, but because it’s the right thing to do. And because it prepares much more effectively to manage both good and bad times.
If your team complains about something, it’s not because they are spoiled, naive, or junior. If they complain often, that’s even more true.
There’s probably some deeper issues behind their behaviour. They might not feel motivated, or they might have the impression they are not free to make their own decisions, or they might just be disoriented by the continuously moving targets.
It’s your responsibility as a team lead to figure that out, because you can’t really start talking about performance, goals, development, until you clear the air and tackle the complaints.
And “tackle” is not about blindly accepting all request, but rather managing them.
“Here is how we are going to do this”.
“Here is why we can’t do that.”
“Here is who is going to be responsible for the other thing.”
And so on.
Being a manager is more than a higher salary.
You can’t pretend to know what’s better for others. Not even your dear ones.
And you can’t pretend others will come to you when they need something. Or express that in a way that makes what they need clear.
What you can and should do, instead, is to be aware of and vocal about what is better for you. And be adamant about it.
It might actually be so that it will help others figure out their own stuff. Or at least, if you are the person that will help or not.
This tweet explains clearly why doing is more important than achieving, why action comes before motivation, why you ought to choose journey over destination.
We often get stuck trying to figure out what is the best scenario, what we want to be tomorrow, what else we can get. And the only antidote to that is doing.
How quickly can you get out of an argument?
How quickly can you say, “it does not matter”, and forget about it.
How quickly can you say, “you might be right”, and shift your perspective.
How quickly can you say, “we don’t agree”, and proceed together.
How quickly can you say, “that’s alright”, and put the difference out of your mind.
Just a reminder that no matter how hard you try, you can’t win an argument.
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