Tag: fear

I agree, but

Fabrizio1 Comment

We have heard that agreeing with people is a way to defuse conflict. And we have taken it so far that the words I agree are two of the most used in companies.

Of course, they are mostly misused.

They are often an easy way to gain some short-term sympathy, to prime the others to positivity, to prepare the ground for what you are going to say next. They are a delay to the inevitable.

I agree, but.

To come to a real agreement implies that you are going to at least slightly change your perspective. It means the actions that follow I agree actually show that you are in agreement. It means that you are ready to support what the other just said, even outside the current conversation.

If instead you are just preparing the ground for disagreement, be brave enough to own it and say I disagree instead.

I agree, but erodes trust, openness, and candor.

It is just not worth it.

Stepping stone

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I am sorry does not heal the wound.

It does not solve the problem, it does not undo what was done, it does not wipe out an unpleasant memory.

I am sorry is not a wand to wave at distressing situations. It does not draw a plan for the future and it does not promise it will not happen again. It does not go any farther than you want it to go. It often does not fill the gap. Very rarely it changes the narrative. And it never is the end to a conversation.

I am sorry does not do any of the above.

Yet without I am sorry none of the above can ever happen.

I am sorry is the essential stepping stone to what comes next in any kind of relationship.

What actually is next depends on you.

Doing is boring

Fabrizio3 Comments

Doing is boring.

It comes after the excitement of ideation and brainstorming. It is way ahead of the sparkles and glitters of reveal and success. It is repetitive, often solitary, unsung, at times painful, mostly bland.

And that is precisely why many fail at it.

Showing up day after day to merely do is a trait one needs to train. Without that, we are jumping from one thing to the next. With that, we are setting ourselves apart from the mass.

Doing, just like life, is boring.

To achieve anything, you just have to get over this simple fact.

The greatest gift

Fabrizio1 Comment

If there is only one thing you are going to dedicate more time to in the future, make it be listening.

Do not rush to tell your piece, learn to sit still with your assumptions and conclusions, give others the space to come up with their own version, accept that silence is not you giving power away.

Listen. Truly listen. To understand. To help the other understand.

It is the greatest gift of all.

Existential threat

Fabrizio1 Comment

When failure knocks at your door, you have to greet it, invite it in, make it feel comfortable, and eventually ask it to move in. Failure needs to be absorbed, somehow, in order for the learnings to become a part of you, to make you better, to prevent it from happening again.

If you deny failure, on the other hand, it will not simply go away. Soon enough it will spread, and your problem will become a problem for the neighbors, for the neighborhood, for the culture, for the village. It will transform into an existential threat. It will just be everywhere, always noticeable, never hidden, a memento of your own incapacity to accept.

Failure is not the end of the world. Pretending not to see it might just be it.