Every relationship is an intricate dance unfolding. Whether it’s romance, friendship, business, politics, diplomacy, or those fleeting, everyday interactions, we play a part in the dance. Even when we think we can be passive, even when we avoid or delegate, even when the other is suffocating us with their loudness and boldness. We still have an active part.

At work, for example, we are defined by the words we speak just as much as by those we keep for ourselves. When we choose not to voice an opinion, not to share an insight, not to challenge a prevailing thought, we are still actively shaping the narrative of our professional relationships. We are still telling our story. A story that might speak of flexibility or caution, of disengagement or reservation, of agreement or absence. And we are determining the future of our career and workplace relationships.

In intimate relationships, the same happens. The decision to share or withhold our feelings, to express or mute desires, to say “I am here if you want” or actually being there with your actions and words, these are no mere footnotes. They define the relationship. Reticence might come from fear, uncertainty, or comfort in the status quo, but it will influence the course of the relationship, and our role in it.

Even in brief, everyday interactions. A nod, a smile, a moment of acknowledgment. They are potent. They contribute to the rhythm of our social dance. They set a tone, create an environment, leave a lasting impression, long after the moment has passed.

And as we dance, let’s be mindful that knowing of our active role should not be a call for constant self-scrutiny or an invitation to dwell on missed opportunities. Let’s use this power instead to initiate change. If we are unhappy with how we are perceived, uneasy about our current situation at work, or seeking to change the dynamics of a new or longstanding relationship, we hold the capacity to do so.

We have – at the very least some – agency in the next step we take in the dance.