Tag: failure

Villain turned hero

Fabrizio1 Comment

Many business books (strategy books, leadership books, self-improvements books) present their ideas in a villain vs hero way.

On one side, there are undesirable strategies, leadership styles, behaviours, tactics and on the other are desirable strategies, leadership styles, behaviours, tactics.

And this is where they fail to inspire change, for two reasons mainly. First of all, very few people identify with the villain – I am not the villain, then why should I change?. And secondly, the positive features of the hero are presented as innate, almost magical – I am not a demi-god, so why bother?.

A villain turned hero approach would probably be more effective. It would humanize failure, introduce shades of grey, and make the whole story more approachable and relatable.

This is something to keep in mind also for the next story you are going to tell.

Most of the times

Fabrizio3 Comments

Bad is the place of commiseration. Good is the place of recognition.

But most of the times, we are not good parents or bad parents. We are not good colleagues or bad colleagues. We are not good persons or bad persons. We are not good performers or bad performers. We are not good partners or bad partners. We are not good bosses or bad bosses.

Most of the times, we are average.

And that is what we hate the most. The fact that, most of the times, we are not worthy neither of commiseration nor of recognition. The idea that we are mostly like most of our peers. That we spend the vast majority of our lives in the middle.

The vast middle is the place of renunciation.

Not renunciation as in giving up. But renunciation as in recognizing that we already are exactly where we need to be. Renunciation as in renuncing the unsatisfactory experience.

This is the most difficult step.

Don’t recall. Let go of what has passed.
Don’t imagine. Let go of what may come.
Don’t think. Let go of what is happening now.
Don’t examine. Don’t try to figure anything out.
Don’t control. Don’t try to make anything happen.

Tilopa’s six words of advice

One story

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When all you hear is one story, that one story is going to be your reality.

This is what happens to all of us, more often than we like to admit. It happens when we get stuck in a bias. It happens when we feel everything is wrong. It happens when we are sure we will succeed this time. It happens when others are an unknown “they”.

We need to make an effort to be listening to at least a second story. And then a third, a fourth, a fifth ..

The fact is, nowadays there is no excuse for us not to do that with intention.

Through the eyes of others

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The only possibility we have to get a reliable view on ourselves is to look through the eyes of others.

Most of us have the tendency to think we are better than the average. We think we are more intelligent, better performing, more charitable, more careful, even in the face of evidence that we are not.

Or we beat ourselves up for things we did well. We give in to resistance, we feel our work is not yet perfect, our blog post not enough researched, our project not ready to be launched yet.

And so, it’s the others who can be our compass.

Ask those whom you hold dear, listen to their criticism, and act on it. When you are not getting the honest opinion you were seeking, look at facts, events, circumstances that tend to repeat themselves with different people, in different context, at different times. If you often find yourself raising your voice, you might have a challenging temperament; if you are not getting promoted in a series of consecutive gigs, you might have to adjust your professional presence; if you continuously find it difficult to convince others of your views, you might want to start crystallizing important ideas first; if your work is not getting the results you were expecting, you might try setting some relevant metrics to track over time.

The point is, the sooner you get out of your mind when it comes to judging yourself and your work, the more practical and actionable feedback you will get. Be the one who determines where to look, then let others be your guide.

The primary driver

Fabrizio1 Comment

It is extremely important to dedicate time to intentionally define success.

And while doing that, you have to consider the difference between success that is dependent on your own actions and success that is dependent on others’ actions or environmental circumstances.

An example.

Say you want to write a blog post a week for the next year.

Actually writing a blog post a week for the next year depends pretty much solely on you. You should have started yesterday, you could start now, you can do it. It is up to you.

Getting people to read your blog post every week, having an increasing audience month after month, closing the year with 1,000 people registered to your newsletter. These are all things that do not depend on you. Of course, you can try to influence those, but truth is you have no idea if any of that is going to happen.

So, when you define success make the distinction.

That does not mean that finding an audience, increasing your list, getting your content to more and more people does not matter. It is just out of your control, and it should never be the primary driver for your doing.