When you are down, reach out.
Even if you don’t feel like it.
Even if you have nothing to say.
Even if you don’t know.
Even if your instict tells you not to risk it.
Even if you are sure nobody would understand.
Even when it’s pouring.
Even when you have been rejected before.
Even if they don’t care.
Connection might well be the single thing that will keep us afloat. Seek it and cultivate it. Even when you don’t feel like it.
When we ask “how are you?”, let’s sit down and take in the full answer.
I am fine, I wish I had more time to dedicate to this project.
I am alright, unfortunately I was not accepted for that online programme.
I am well, thanks, there has been a bit of a misunderstanding with my colleague, but I am well nonetheless.
We often rush to labelling our exchanges as “all good”, and we fail to grasp the issues we might want to act upon. And then we are surprised when the minor crack turns out to be a foundation problem. We withdraw – they said they were fine, how could they lie to us? – and we make the whole situation irreparable.
Forget the first part of the answer, hand in there until the honest reality kicks in, and tackle that head-on.
How could you make more time for the project?
How can I support you in your learning and development?
What happened, and what can I do to facilitate a conversation between you too?
That’s the way to be taken seriously, to build a relationship, and to maintain the people around you engaged and motivated.
Most of us are not happy in their job. The good news is, we do not have to change job or wait for our managers to come up with a solution before we can actually find satisfaction in what we do.
We have the power to design our jobs in a way that can make us feel better.
We can take on more or less tasks, shift the boundaries of our responsibilities, focus on the tasks that better align with our strengths and values, rethink the way things are done, come up with new processes.
We can alter the relationships with those we work with – in the same department, in the same company, and also in other companies. Establish networks, help others, connect with them outside of work.
We can reframe tasks that are assigned to us in a way that makes us see a bigger picture, a wider purpose, a better future. For us, for the organisation, for the community.
Being stuck is rare, as at any given time the opportunities are many and diverse. Feeling stuck is much more common, and fortunately feelings come and go.
When you are in a leadership position, it will happen that something your team has delivered will be questioned by those you report to.
What to do?
You can side with the managers. You can side with the team. Or you can communicate both ways to find a solution that serves the greater good.
The first two options are shortcuts. They do work, yet they make victims: your team in the first case, yourself in the second. On the other end, making an effort to explain, ask, compromise is an investment of time and resources when you might have little of both. And that’s how you establish relationships that will make your organization, as a whole, stronger.
I am old enough to remember the time when multitasking was often a requirement in job ads. Nowadays, I have at least the impression that it is not so much so anymore.
In any case, if you feel like multitasking, you are asked to multitask, you are looking for someone who multitasks, this study is a good reminder of why that is not a good idea.
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