One of the most overlooked pains in (growing) organizations is that of great performers promoted into leadership roles.
Accepting that executing and leading require two completely different sets of skills, and accompanying the transition with coaching and mentoring, would save companies a lot of money in the long run.
It’s urgent.
I want it this way.
Go get it done right now.
All parents know these things work. They trigger a sense of fear towards authority (actual or supposed). People want to avoid troubles – most of us do most of the time, at least. And so, forcing the hand, threatening, raising the voice. It all works.
Until it’s out of the way.
Until you leave the room.
Until next time.
Until they do not work anymore.
Compliance is by definition short term. People do what they are told for as little as needed to comply. It does not stick, and the next time you’ll have to raise the level of the threat to achieve the same.
So, if it’s change you are seeking, you should pursue it differently. Knowing the other person, their motives, their purpose, their values, and trying to fit what you are asking them to do within their frame. That’s a great place to start.
Of course, this takes time and effort. And in a moment in which everything is important, day after day, when should you start taking others seriously, listening to them, feeding into their self-motivation rather then imposing your agenda? When?
That’s up to you. It’s a choice, and you should stop hiding.
You can make it work.
Today is a great time to start.
Three amazing books about how people make up their minds that can enhance your marketing skills.
Thinking, fast and slow – by Daniel Kahneman.
The righteous mind – by Jonathan Haidt.
Influence – by Robert Cialdini.
If you read any one of these, you’ll have a much better understanding of why talking about features and how brilliant your product is will not help you boost your sales.
There’s two tactics that are very useful in preparing for an important and difficult conversation.
First, write your thoughts down. It is unbelievably useful to get what you think out of your mind. That’s how you fill the gaps in your reasoning, how you complete the story you want to tell, how you make sure that your arguments are solid. And in particular, that’s how you avoid the conversation you are about to have from being a stream of thoughts that might be difficult for the other person to interpret.
Second, talk about the issue with somebody. Other people are a great sounding board for your thoughts, feelings and ideas. They add perspective to what you have to say, and they identify the flaws in it much better than you might ever do. They are your first audience, and you should pay great attention to how they react, what words or points they focus on, and the counterarguments they make.
Next time, try this.
“I am sorry, my mistake, I could have … . Let’s move on.”
It works beautifully in any situation in which there’s friction. It unlocks empathy (most likely you’ll get a “no worries” from the other side), and it allows the conversation to move forward.
It’s better than blaming the alarm clock, the traffic, the person who’s there to serve, the colleague who’s trying to help, the boss who’s learning the ropes, the partner who’s going through your same difficulties, the bystander who seems to not get it.
And it’s true.
There’s a variety of circumstances that causes what is going to happen. Chances are there’s something you might have done to avoid causing yourself trouble.
Recognising a mistake is not the same as putting an additional burden on your fragile identity. A mistake does not mean you are bad, mean, stupid, malicious. Quite the opposite, in fact. “I am sorry” means you are present enough in the situation to care about taking the next step. It’s about owning what’s happening and being ready to shape it going forward.
“I am sorry” is a strength.
You've got this 