Who can you say it to?
Who can you talk to about the pain you are feeling, the challenge you are going through, the anxiety, the lack of focus, the impossibility to achieve anything meaningful in this particular period? Who can you say that to?
There’s always somebody you can talk to about how you are today and why it is not great.
And if there’s nobody, at least say it to those who are affected by it.
It’s fair for them. And it’s fair for you.
We want to be strong, but we are often fragile.
A compliment makes us feel great and unique, a critique turns us into useless and pitiful beings. The very same thing in two separate moments might give us completely different emotions. We don’t put trust in ourselves enough, yet we are ready to follow some total stranger who appear to have achieved what we apparently desire so much.
We are fragile, and perhaps the real strength is in figuring out how to navigate our fragility without being overwhelmed by it.
How often do you compliment yourself?
For something you have achieved, for not giving up, for an argument you have avoided, even just for waking up in a difficult moment.
We seek recognition from others, yet that is fragile and volatile.
Compliment yourself instead, every time you know that you deserve it. It will build confidence for the long term.
One huge misunderstanding is that by being a decent person you have the right to have it easy.
That’s why many find it difficult to find a meaning when something bad is happening. What have I done? Why me? Isn’t it unfair, after all that I have committed and given?
But one should be kind, supportive, helpful, available, loving, not because of what they get in return, but because it’s the right thing to do. And because it prepares much more effectively to manage both good and bad times.
If your team complains about something, it’s not because they are spoiled, naive, or junior. If they complain often, that’s even more true.
There’s probably some deeper issues behind their behaviour. They might not feel motivated, or they might have the impression they are not free to make their own decisions, or they might just be disoriented by the continuously moving targets.
It’s your responsibility as a team lead to figure that out, because you can’t really start talking about performance, goals, development, until you clear the air and tackle the complaints.
And “tackle” is not about blindly accepting all request, but rather managing them.
“Here is how we are going to do this”.
“Here is why we can’t do that.”
“Here is who is going to be responsible for the other thing.”
And so on.
Being a manager is more than a higher salary.
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