Tag: empathy

A difference that matters

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There are two different mindsets with which you can approach a request for help.

One defaults to figuring out how the act of helping does impact one’s own routine.

Does it mean I will have to wake up earlier? Does it mean I will have to postpone my planned holiday? Does it mean I will have to renounce a relaxing evening watching my favourite TV series?

The other defaults to caring about how the act of helping does impact the other person’s life.

The two mindsets often have very similar outcomes. Because when somebody asks for help, people in general tend to give help.

The difference though is in how you feel about helping – and whether or not you will seek to help more in the future – and in how the other person feels about you helping – and whether or not they will seek help more freely in the future.

It is a difference that matters.

Diminishing returns

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you muscle through an additional hour of work at the end of an intense day, the marginal return of the additional hour is negative.

When you take on another project during a period of intense activity for the whole team, the marginal return of the additional project is negative.

When you push yourself way beyond your physical limit after two hours of intense workout, the marginal return of the additional effort is negative.

When you send just one more comment on top of a chat conversation that already features more than twenty other voices, the marginal return of the additional comment is negative.

When you read one more article on a topic you are ready to write a full thesis about, the marginal return of the additional article is negative.

The cost of not knowing when it is time to stop is diminishing returns that compound over time.

It is exhausting.

Indispensable

FabrizioLeave a comment

With some colleagues, things click right away. You trust them, they trust you. They are great to be around, deliver on their promises, they are competent and you have that feeling that you can learn a lot from them.

With some colleagues, it takes time for things to click. And that’s when things get difficult, because instead of relying on them, you create more work for yourself and other colleagues. Instead of giving them responsibilities, you start micro-managing or ignoring them. You become critical of everything they do and eventually loose any interest in even sitting down with them to have a chat.

When this is the challenge, do over communicate instead. Set ground rules and check that they still stand frequently. Be vocal about the discomfort, ask about their discomfort, and get to know them outside of what they do in their working hours.

That’s how you make yourself unique and indispensable.

This is it

FabrizioLeave a comment

What is joy?

What is commitment?

What is love?

What is friendship?

You can take these questions from the top-down. You take a definition – the one your parents gave you, the one your culture preaches, the one your past taught you – and you try to find what it is that take you as close to it as possible. As these are ideals, it’s difficult to seek them and make them real. It’s usually disappointing.

You can also take these questions from the bottom-up. You look at your life – what is given to you, what you are taking with your skills and attitude, what you give out to others – and label the individual items with the term that best fits.

You say, “this is joy” after a genuine laugh. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is commitment” after some hard work. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is love” after holding your partner in an intimate embrace. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is friendship” after a 2-hour chat with your heart wide open. And you seek more of it.

This is it.

You are dealt some cards and it’s up to you to make of them whatever you pursuit. Change will follow, and it begins with you noticing that you already have the ideal life.

Passion and distraction

FabrizioLeave a comment

There is a lot of difference between spending time and energy and resources on something you are passionate about, and spending the exact same amount of time and energy and resources on something you don’t care about.

In the first case, no matter how much you give, you will always find a bit more. You will feel recharged even after a full day of intense activity. In fact, the other stuff and the people in your life will most likely benefit from your positive attitude and adrenaline. Just because you are committed to something you love.

In the second case, the opposite is true. Even ten minutes of the activity will drain you. You will mostly complain, find issues with everything and everyone, and that attitude will spill to everything else, and everyone else, in your life.

So, the trick is this.

Do something for long enough to get committed and passionate about it, and reduce the distractions that make you feel miserable.

Easy. Not simple.