Vicious and virtuous

Sometimes you can start a habit by breaking a negative cycle.

If you always check your inbox right before going to sleep, try not doing it just once.

If you spend an increasing amount of time with a repetitive videogame, surprise yourself by not reaching for it at the next occasion.

If you go for your phone as soon as a notification pops up, resist the instict next time – turning off notifications is an easy aid.

Sometimes you can start a habit by nurturing a positive cycle.

If you figure out that calling a friend puts you in a good mood, do that more regularly.

If you realize that reading a book calms your nerves and sparks new ideas, buy a new one once your are done with the next.

If cooking makes you think more carefully about what you are eating, carve some time every day to cook yourself a meal.

Sometimes, all you need is one less.

Sometimes, all you need is one more.

Build your muscles

Build enough muscles so that you can always be in a position to defuse.

Be the first one to take responsibility and to say I am sorry in every argument, no matter if it’s trivial or crucial. Even when you think you are right, make it so you will own the fact the relationship is cracking.

That’s a sure way to get unstuck.

Sit and listen

Listening truly is the only skill you need.

And if you are in a position of power, you need it twice as much.

A grateful list

When your mind goes to a bad place, focusing on all negative things, feeling as if every event is against you. Try to name one thing you are genuinely grateful for, or happy for. Then continue working on that list.

It might prove challenging at first, yet it works.

What we perceive is often not what is happening. We need to train to make the distinction.

Not getting it your way

Being around others means that most of the times you will not get it your way.

You can fight that. Most bad managers do. Parents and kids alike often do. Partners sometimes do. And that rarely changes the fact that you will not get it your way.

Better to embrace it then. Allocate space in your plan – both mental and physical – for others to be. Be ready to accept and flex boundaries. Clarify where the limit is and stick to that in all circumstances.

We are all in it for our own betterment.