Tag: change

Do not want and cannot

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Sometimes we mistake what we cannot do with what we do not want to do.

For example, we might say we do not want to jump in the water or dance or give that presentation in front of the whole team, while what we actually mean is we do not (yet) know how to do that. Or perhaps we feel unsure about our skills. It is not a matter of “do not want”.

Other times, we mistake what we do not want to do with what we cannot do

For example, if somebody offers a new responsibility, we might say we cannot take it as we are too busy, but certainly that is not the full story. We are most likely not very interested in the responsibility offered, or we do not want it because it might expose some of our weaknesses. In any case, it is not a matter of “cannot”.

“Do not want” and “cannot” are often used interchangeably, but they are well distinct.

“Do not want” expresses will, power, decision, acceptance. It is a brave decision, and a necessary one in many cases.

“Cannot” expresses an opportunity, incompleteness, desire, potential. It is a step on a long road, and you will get there eventually.

Using them for what they are enables our clarity and helps us focus on what matters (and of course, drop what does not). Do it with intention.

Your edge

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The easiest thing to do with your fear, anxiety, tiredness, stress, mistake, inadequacy, disappointment is to place them on others. Yell, demote, gossip, badmouth, exhaust, demand. It’s almost automatic to resort to these when things get tough.

The alternative is owning all of that. Knowing that’s part of you, identifying it in time, expressing it with words so that you don’t have to do it with actions. It is the long road, it is challenging and it takes time and practice to get there. And that’s where you’ll find your edge.

Natural born managers

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People are promoted into managerial and leadership positions, and then it is expected they learn how to do that on their own. That rarely happens.

The skills you need to manage or lead a team are very different from the skills you need to successfully execute a project or design a flawless service or build a company from scratch. If managers and leaders are not put in front of this very basic fact, they will fall back to what got them promoted in the first place (in most cases, execution and some sort of compliance) and their teams will fail.

A new survey by the Boston Consulting Group about the challenges of managers stresses two facts that is worth considering before you put the autopilot on and promote the next best performer.

First, not everyone wants to be a manager. We often assume that is the natural career path everybody aims for, yet the survey points at only 9% of non managers actually wanting to become one (in Western countries). If you have a great performer, it is more likely they want to either stay in their current position or become a subject matter expert. Of course, this means you’ll have to ask them, and then find ways to reward them other than the title. There are many.

Second, just one-third of managers receive career coaching. It’s a very delicate transition, one that often creates challenges even out of the office. If supporting the manager through it is not a priority for the company, it won’t be one for the manager either.

New leaders

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How do you communicate with your team? This is an excellent example.

That does not mean you have to be a mum and make jokes about the smell of your child’s nappies. It’s about understanding the situation, being able to show your vulnerabilities and reminding yourself that literally no one in your team (whether it’s 5 or 5 million people) expects you to be a god-like creature with all the answers to all the questions.

The idea that as leaders we are flawless, unwavering and enlightened is out-of-date and makes more harm than good day after day. It’s time to promote new types of leadership. And already it feels we have been talking about this forever.

Break

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If you have not yet, now it is a very good time to reach out to your colleagues and team members and ask how they are doing and what they need.

Perhaps initially this work-from-home-with-social-distancing-and-home-schooling-during-a-pandemic sounded like a nice turn of event, something that could help people refocus and companies reorganize e restrategize. More than two months into this, the reality is very different.

So, here is a list of question to start asking consistently during work days. Whether you are one or not, act as a leader, because that’s what people need right now.

P.S.: here is a good example of what a true leader does when they are guided by empathy.