Empathy requires distance and neutrality.
It might sound counterintuitive, and still it is an important point.
Only with distance and neutrality you can refrain from judgement and keep the bias for action at bay. Only with distance and neutrality you can avoid being overwhelmed by what the other person is feeling, to the point you might turn into a paladin for their cause (and cut out all the rest).
Empathy is acceptance.
What if tomorrow, as leaders, we would make the decision to stop getting into employees’ way and let them free to self-organize and solve the problems they are hired to solve.
What if we would remove all rules and trust that people would actually do their job to the best of their ability.
What if we would decide to raise everyone’s salary, not because we have had a particularly brilliant year, not because we have reached all our targets, not because we have outperformed the competition, just because it is the right thing to do.
What if we would choose not to fire people when things don’t work, but actually challenge ourselves to find a way to make them work.
What if we would genuinely commit to work on our culture, and make that a reason why people come and stay.
What if we would agree that the measure of our success is the state in which we leave our teams when we move on, and more importantly how many leaders we helped developing.
What if we would make an intentional effort to build relationships, not with our peers, upper management, and executives, but with the people we aim to inspire and guide.
Just because you don’t know any other way, it does not mean there is no other way.
Measure and report whatever you want, just make sure it provides an answer to a strategic question.
If the number you are sharing with your team is not a direct answer to a question, it is just a number, and I bet you will soon be tempted to report a different one when things do not go as well.
Questions stick, and they define where you are going.
The Stanford Prison Experiment is an extremely popular experiment in social psychology. It featured normal people taking on the role of prisoners and guards. And most importantly, it featured fights, abuse, dehumanization, nervous breakdowns, bullying, and more. Despite a series of dubious practices, for decades it was considered a legitimate study.
The BBC Prison Study is a not-quite-as-popular experiment in social psychology. It featured normal people taking on the role of prisoners and guards. And most importantly, it featured camaraderie, compassion, some moderate conflict over food, negotiation, the institution of a commune, and long discussions on how to govern the whole group. Despite the fact it was reality TV, it led to a number of academic papers that were eventually accepted in official psychology curricula.
The point is, not always the story that is closer to facts and reality is the most popular. A story just has to be repeated enough times to become plausible, and when that happens, it is very difficult to later convince people it was a hoax, and actually things work in a different way.
This is something we know.
And it is our responsibility as marketers, advertisers, communicators, and change-seekers, to use such power with great care.
We are experts on how to live the lives of others.
We know exactly what others should do, say, wear. We know how they feel and what motivates them. We tackle their problems better than if they were our own. We plan, argue, debate for them. We know everything, we hear everything, we understand everything.
And when it is our turn, we are stuck.
We are wonderful spectators and mediocre actors.
Because being under the spotlight is never easy. It is not for us – and indeed, we come up with many excuses when that happens -, it is not for those around us.
Start here to develop empathy.
Start here to get going.
You've got this 