Category: self-help

The sum of small things

FabrizioLeave a comment

We all like a hero story, and a very heroic idea is that our lives, our careers, our relationships (and sure, also our marketing efforts) will be memorable because of a few big moments.

There are two problems with this approach.

First, it sets a waiting attitude. We wait for something to happen, and even when we intentionally work to make it happen, the focus is always on that wonderful moment that will magically fix everything else.

Secondly, it makes us stop caring about the small things. The idea is that details or small items do not matter because they will not make an impact.

*This is, by the way, also the reason why we say yes so often. We measure the social downside of saying no against the tiny effort of saying yes to a short meeting, a tiny task, a small favour. While actually we should measure that against the long-term accumulation of small things that prevents us from achieving anything.*

It is the sum of small things that gives purpose and meaning.

And small things are here and now.

Be ready to embrace and protect them.

Most of the times

Fabrizio3 Comments

Bad is the place of commiseration. Good is the place of recognition.

But most of the times, we are not good parents or bad parents. We are not good colleagues or bad colleagues. We are not good persons or bad persons. We are not good performers or bad performers. We are not good partners or bad partners. We are not good bosses or bad bosses.

Most of the times, we are average.

And that is what we hate the most. The fact that, most of the times, we are not worthy neither of commiseration nor of recognition. The idea that we are mostly like most of our peers. That we spend the vast majority of our lives in the middle.

The vast middle is the place of renunciation.

Not renunciation as in giving up. But renunciation as in recognizing that we already are exactly where we need to be. Renunciation as in renuncing the unsatisfactory experience.

This is the most difficult step.

Don’t recall. Let go of what has passed.
Don’t imagine. Let go of what may come.
Don’t think. Let go of what is happening now.
Don’t examine. Don’t try to figure anything out.
Don’t control. Don’t try to make anything happen.

Tilopa’s six words of advice

Others won’t do it

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you can’t keep your word, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t deliver your project in time, others won’t do it for you.

If you don’t believe in your strengths, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t find it in you to show up every day and deliver, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t be compassionate towards yourselves, and understand when you have hit a rough patch, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t accept that most of what’s happening is beyond your control, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t say I am sorry and take action to repair, others won’t do it for you.

If you won’t take a stand, others won’t do it for you.

If you stop caring, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t commit to self-awareness, others won’t do it for you.

If you won’t pursue a balance in your life, some sort of contentment, others won’t do it for you.

It’s all there is.

It is you.

The reason is you

FabrizioLeave a comment

At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to do, not to show up, not to participate, not to express your opinion, not to come up with a new way of doing things, not to listen. Hundreds of reason not to.

It might be the toxic environment, the unpleasant colleague, the bossy manager, the trivial task, the task that is too difficult. It might be your past, the previous experiences, a pattern that often shows up. Sometimes it’s something that was not said, sometimes it’s something that was said in the wrong tone. Or perhaps a gaze, a word, a posture, a silence, a delay. Your fears, your preoccupations, your ambitions. The culture of not to. The pressure of your peers. The reasons everyone keeps giving you.

At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to.

And only one reason to.

That reason is you.

The real challenge

Fabrizio1 Comment

Sometimes a genuine laugh and a little openness can make us feel on the right track once again.

And if that works for us, we can be sure it would do miracle for others as well. When you put kindness and honesty out there, the effects compound, and the return transcends your personal boundaries.

We all seek connection in what we do.

Funnily enough, the real challenge is often to be the first offering it.