We spend an incredible amount of time looking at others behaviour and trying to figure out what they think, when actually the largest impact comes from changing our own behaviour and the way we think.
Awareness starts from within. Don’t get distracted.
In order to set your mind to giving, you have to rid yourself of the expectation to get something in return.
Of course, mixed motives will play a role. But it’s eternally unsatisfying to keep a ledger of what goes and what comes.
Give freely and you will be ready to welcome any reward.
Tomorrow you can try to:
- Avoid an argument
- Let go of an opinion that’s causing friction with colleagues
- Close a project that’s not delivering results
- Tell somebody they are right (and perhaps you are wrong)
- Give away an idea that you know you will never have the resources to implement
- Not indulge in a habit that’s consuming your time
- Leave the mobile phone in the other room
- Reply to messages only at dedicated times
- Stop working at 2pm
- Compliment something that they have achieved
- Say that you are sorry about something that’s causing bad feelings
If you do, take note of how it is. And if it is good, try to do it the day after as well. Perhaps try to add another one from the list, or from your list. Expand from there.
When you lose control, your instinct tells you to control whatever it is left. The problem is, often what is left does not need your control.
If your relationship is going downhill, you strengthen your grip on your kids. Do this, don’t do that, come here, go there. Of course, they don’t need any of that.
If your team is failing to meet their goals, you double down on your team members. This is wrong, we should try that, why is this happening. Of course, they don’t need any of that.
If your creativity has hit a plateau, you focus more and more on the small details. Let’s refine the tone, let’s make it perfect. Of course, the details are – in most cases – meaningless.
It’d be great if you could just let go of control in the first place, so as to not risk to lose it at any point. It would save a lot of trouble.
A kind thought is nice, but it’s not enough. A thought stays in your mind and unless you do something about it, you are the only one who is going to know of it.
A kind word is nice, but it’s not enough. A word is a superficial manifestation and not necessarily a truthful one.
A kind act is nice, but it’s not enough. An act is immediately visible, it can be used to hide an intent, to pursue an unkind agenda.
The only way is to be kind with thoughts, words, and acts. To yourself first, and then to others.
Because candid kindness is contagious.