Category: self-help

I’ll do it later

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There are three pitfalls of “I’ll do it later”.

The first one in that “later” rarely comes. When we are in the present and we say “I’ll do it later”, we expect a future moment in which we will not only recall that we have that thing to do, but we will also be sufficiently free, awake, willing, energetic to actually do it. As our lives go by, we very rarely get to those moments, various different things getting in the way.

The second one is that as we postpone things, we end up increasing the clutter. Mental and material clutter alike. Keeping things in mind drains energy, and we can only remember a limited amount of things at any given moment. We then use to-do lists, productivity apps, calendars, email inboxes, reminders. And when we defer an item, we end up making it more and more difficult to see and act upon it. It’s what happens when your inbox unread list grows above ten emails.

The third one is that the thing we were supposed to “do later” will certainly pop up in a moment when we can’t do anything about it. Say, when we are already in bed, or while we are driving to work, or when we have just started playing with our kids. And we will feel a little more miserable, and probably end up doubling down on the “I’ll do it later”, resetting to number one of this list.

It turns out, many of the things we push to “later” can actually be done now, without to much of a distraction or effort. And if there are too many of those, than it is probably time to rethink priorities and what is important. Keeping many balls in the air will eventually make you drop all of them.

Who is empathy for?

Fabrizio2 Comments

We commonly believe that empathy is for the person on the receiving end. And that is, at least in part, true. It gives them the space to be with their feelings, thoughts, discomfort, free of the burden of judgement and scrutiny.

We need to be aware that empathy is not for the person on the giving end. Sure, they get an enriched view of the world by being empathetic. Yet, they should not fall in the trap of heroism and self-praising, and even less in the pit of entitlement (“I am doing this, so you owe me that”). At the bottom of that pit is resentment, and it is not possible to be empathetic when resenting someone.

Most of all, I believe, empathy is for the situation, the context, the environment. It gets things unstuck, it moves things forward, it works towards some form of progress. The alternative is banging our heads against the wall. It takes a lot of time, and pain, to get anywhere by just doing that.

First principles

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If you get stuck with a problem, it’s good to go back to the foundations of the problem itself to see if you are approaching it the best possible way.

One example. If you want to grow your business, one common way to go about it is to get some funding and hire more people. Of course, hiring more people brings more business in, and for this to be sustained, you need even more people. And even more funding.

On the other hand, one could go to the foundations of the problem, its first principles, and try to understand the type of growth the company needs (not all of the new business that comes in, for example, will be profitable or valuable), or if it needs growth at all, or if growth could be achieved in a healthier way by re-structuring the company, or improving the service, or re-designing the processes.

Another example is reducing car usage. Local governments, for very good reasons, tend to think at the problem mainly in terms of disincentive. Taxes on cars, increase cost of parking, lanes reserved to public transport only, additional fees to access certain areas of the city

On the other hand, the foundation of the problem is that people need to move from one place to another multiple times a day. What are the alternatives we provide to meet this need? Could we make them cheaper (or free) instead of continuosly raising their costs? Could we make them more easily accessible? And the same could go for addressing the fact that to many people a car is a status symbol.

When you go back to first principles thinking, you unlock a whole new spectrum of possibilities you had not considered at first simply because you were thinking by analogy.

Through most of our life, we get through life by reasoning by analogy, which essentially means copying what other people do with slight variations. And you have to do that. Otherwise, mentally, you wouldn’t be able to get through the day. But when you want to do something new, you have to apply the physics approach.

Elon Musk

Overcommunication is about frequency

Fabrizio1 Comment

There is an important distinction to make when we say we want to overcommunicate.

Overcommunication is essential in certain circumstances: change, growth, downsize, new team, new team members, just to mention a few. I actually think that overcommunication is good in general, as we too often have the tendency to assume and take for granted that others know and understand things the same way as we do.

Nonetheless, overcommunication deals with frequency, not with content. It is not necessary to tell more, it is to tell more often.

Sometimes, when reading a presentation, or an e-mail, or a report, it feels like one can almost see the different layers that have been added in the attempt of increasing clarity or including an additional point. At times, it looks like the more bullet points you have, the better.

It does not work.

The more you add to your message, the less it will be understood. Keep it simple, real simple. Make sure anybody who has a superficial knowledge of the matter could get it after reading it once. Read it out loud and listen to how it flows. If you have even a single doubt, start cutting. And if you have no doubts, cut anyway.

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English—it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. […] An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.

Mark Twain

Protect who you are

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Whether we are on the giving or on the receiving part of feedback, we need to make it very clear that there is a distinction between what we do and who we are.

This is liberating. Understanding that what the other person is saying is not a personal critique, as well as approaching the act of providing feedback with the intent of not imposing our worldview on the other, is what makes a relationship stronger and thriving.

So, when we ask for feedback, let’s be specific in what we are seeking. Can you tell me what you think of this thing I wrote? Do you think I should use this or that framework? What would you do to make it better? How do you think I could get better at presenting?

And let it be clear (to us) that what is at stake is not our character, our career, our relationships, our life, our future, our being. Only a minuscule part of that.

When we prepare to give feedback, on the other hand, let’s focus on things that happened and on how we interpreted that or how it made us feel. When that happened, I noticed everyone in the room went silent. This other framework is used more in such cases, because… . I really liked that part of your last e-mail, I find it showed great empathy and consideration. Your presentation featured very interesting information for the company, and with this and that you can make it memorable next time.

If we set a middle ground to have the conversation, without aggressing the other person’s space and building a resistance to our more vulnerable self with awareness and confidence, the magic of candor can truly happen.