Category: self-help

You are out

FabrizioLeave a comment

There comes a time in most relationships (sentimental or not) when the parts involved simply do not trust each other anymore.

No matter what they say, no matter how hard they try, no matter how much time and resources you spend making their case.

Actually, continuing to state the case in these situations is futile. Chances are the main arguments, values, plans are at least part of the reason why the distrust started developing. So, if that’s all each part has to contribute, the relationship is over.

The only thing to do in these cases is take a step back.

Open your mind, listen, apologize if needed (it usually is). Be critical of your original stance and see if there’s still space for a part of it.

Relationships, as most things, evolve. When you do not evolve with them, you are out.

Do, measure and adjust

FabrizioLeave a comment

There are many different ways to address any case. Unfortunately, you probably have resources (attention, money, energy, motivation) to try one or two of them at the same time.

The point is then to avoid lengthy discussions about which way is the better (not to mention pointless scenario-building that change the rules of the case), and put some effort instead in identifying what successfully addressing the case looks like.

And then just do, measure and adjust.

Downtime

FabrizioLeave a comment

The things you do during a period of downtime determine the success of what you will be doing when things get going.

Rest and recharge is an important piece of it, yet it’s only a piece nonetheless.

Downtime is an excellent moment to be delivering your best work, to free yourself from constraints of time and pressure, to explore new venues and new ways, to connect with that person you should really talk to, to give that speech that can change a bunch of minds.

Most things move in cycles, and work is not different. Take advantage of the space you are given to make sure you are ready when it’s most needed.

Unfair practices

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you are victim of an unfair practice.

You can point the finger, call the perpetrator names, shut them off and strengthen the relationships with those like you, tell yourself and others a story of unfairness and one-sidedness, and demand a change.

Or you can extend your hand, empathize with the motives, see if perhaps in similar circumstances you might have fallen in the same trap, start a conversation around identities and opportunities, prove day after day that the practice is not only unfair, also counterproductive, and be an agent of change.

I have been on both ends of the spectrum, I have changed my mind along the way, and I can still see that there is a solid argument one way and the other.

I can also see that it’s a choice you get to do.

Help is a gift

Fabrizio1 Comment

When trying to help, you have to leave your ego behind.

Because of course, the other person might be listening with no intention to change, your advice might remain unfollowed, your words might actually produce an effect opposite to the desired one.

Giving help is like giving a gift: it’s up to the receiver to decide what to do with it, and we should not let the outcome reflect negatively on the act itself, on our benevolence, on our future actions.