Most of us set a target and then sprint towards it.
The fact is, what matters it that you get to the target, and in most cases how fast you are has very little importance. Sprinting is a distraction, it can deplete resources, it is wasted focus. And it hinders experiencing the journey, depriving the target of most of its meaning.
As long as you keep running from boring, repetitive, uninteresting, unrewarding, uneventful, average, your chances of actually mastering something are going to be very limited. There’s a wrong perception that success is equivalent to sparkles and glitter, but that only comes after (if at all), and it does not usually lasts for very long.
Find ways to get accustomed to the 99% of your life and suddenly you’ll be a much better human being, parent, partner, leader, or anything else you aim to be.
Sometimes we mistake what we cannot do with what we do not want to do.
For example, we might say we do not want to jump in the water or dance or give that presentation in front of the whole team, while what we actually mean is we do not (yet) know how to do that. Or perhaps we feel unsure about our skills. It is not a matter of “do not want”.
Other times, we mistake what we do not want to do with what we cannot do
For example, if somebody offers a new responsibility, we might say we cannot take it as we are too busy, but certainly that is not the full story. We are most likely not very interested in the responsibility offered, or we do not want it because it might expose some of our weaknesses. In any case, it is not a matter of “cannot”.
“Do not want” and “cannot” are often used interchangeably, but they are well distinct.
“Do not want” expresses will, power, decision, acceptance. It is a brave decision, and a necessary one in many cases.
“Cannot” expresses an opportunity, incompleteness, desire, potential. It is a step on a long road, and you will get there eventually.
Using them for what they are enables our clarity and helps us focus on what matters (and of course, drop what does not). Do it with intention.
The easiest thing to do with your fear, anxiety, tiredness, stress, mistake, inadequacy, disappointment is to place them on others. Yell, demote, gossip, badmouth, exhaust, demand. It’s almost automatic to resort to these when things get tough.
The alternative is owning all of that. Knowing that’s part of you, identifying it in time, expressing it with words so that you don’t have to do it with actions. It is the long road, it is challenging and it takes time and practice to get there. And that’s where you’ll find your edge.
What good is a category if all it does is burdening our days with indignation, anger, resentment and negativity?
It’s positive to identify as this or that, use categories to make sense of the world around us, but let’s forgo their capacity of pitching us against the others. It is just another face of resistance, and it does not serve any of our purposes.
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