Category: leadership

Losing control

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When you lose control, your instinct tells you to control whatever it is left. The problem is, often what is left does not need your control.

If your relationship is going downhill, you strengthen your grip on your kids. Do this, don’t do that, come here, go there. Of course, they don’t need any of that.

If your team is failing to meet their goals, you double down on your team members. This is wrong, we should try that, why is this happening. Of course, they don’t need any of that.

If your creativity has hit a plateau, you focus more and more on the small details. Let’s refine the tone, let’s make it perfect. Of course, the details are – in most cases – meaningless.

It’d be great if you could just let go of control in the first place, so as to not risk to lose it at any point. It would save a lot of trouble.

Defensive

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It’s so easy to feel attacked when somebody gives you critical feedback or even just points at some mistake you made. It’s even easier when you are tired, when you are going through a rough patch, when you have had bad experiences in your past, or when you are generally not used to get feedback.

If you can just hold your thoughts for a little longer, though, you can see that’s not the feedback that’s hurting. It’s the tiredness, the fear, the stress, the insecureness.

Say it.

“I’m tired”.

“I’m under a lot of stress and I needed an easy win”.

“I’m sorry, I will fix that, it’s just something I don’t feel particularly confident with”.

That little labelling exercise will completely shift the narrative. From defensive you become open. And when you are open, anything can happen.

Decisions

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One problem with business decisions – not always the most important, but certainly the bulk of them – is that they evaporate as soon as those making them leave the room where they were made.

Another problem with business decisions – perhaps a consequence of the first problem – is that they are not given enough time to prove right or wrong.

A third problem with business decisions – a sub-product of our lazy brain – is that the ones that stick actually tend to stick forever.

Keep track of what is decided, give it time to bear fruit, and be flexible enough to revisit it periodically. You can make this more effective if you manage to build different networks in the company – at team level, but also cross-functional – that make decisions and are held accountable for it.

As long as only one person, or the same group of persons, calls the shots, you will always have problem number one, problem number two, problem number three simultaneously.

Be the guide

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If you want people to listen to you, use their own agenda, their language, their motivators.

If you want people to act, show them yourself.

If you want people to change, help them reflect and find their way.

There’s this idea that bossing people around is effective. It’s only partially true. You might get people to listen, to act, to change by commanding them, but that’s never going to stick.

They are the heroes to their own story. At most, you can be the guide.

Record and write

FabrizioLeave a comment

Record your thoughts. On video, audio only, no matter the equipment.

Write your thoughts. On a journal, a notepad, no matter how clearly.

Recording and writing your thoughts is a sure way to free space in your mind, to clarify your ideas, and to improve your skills when it comes to elaborate complex concepts.

Play with it. Do short form, long form, free form, scripted form. Try different things, repeat and confirm, change your mind, enjoy yourself.

And find the courage to hit publish, sooner rather than later.

P.S.: Perfect is an excuse.

PP.S.: Tools are also an excuse.