What do you do when you miss an appointment, forget about something, fail to do what you promised you would?
You can hide, delay the difficult conversation until it gets too late to actually have it, never talk about that again, and miss the opportunity to own your lapse and grow.
Or you can say “I am sorry”.
Choose with intention.
Some companies decide to keep things loose. They have little hierarchy, initiatives can come from a variety of places as a response to a variety of inputs (customers, markets, intuition, experience, data, trials, mistakes, etc.), and the flexibility of the company makes it so it can adapt to changes and decisions fairly quickly without a lot of guidance.
Other companies decide to put structure around things. They build a clear hierarchy, initiatives often come from the top as a response to a limited amount of inputs (often gut feeling and previous experience), and the rigor of the company makes it so it will adapt to changes as quick as an heavy amount of guidance is deployed through its rank.
There is no right or wrong, you just have to figure out what works best for you and for the people that work with you and around you.
There is also a third kind of company. It is the company that puts structure while still wanting to keeping it loose. The company where decisions come from the top with the expectation that people will accept them just because. The company that pays lip service to the importance of its people while at the same time keeping them limited to tasks and urgencies. The company that struggles more than the others to adapt and change, just because nobody has a clear idea of what the hell is going on.
There are more company of the third kind than there are of the first and second combined.
You do not want your company to be of the third kind.
Always make an effort to start with what you agree on.
We are wired to focus on the negative feedback, on the opposite opinions, on the rejections, on the new ideas. And so, we need intention to spot agreement.
Next time you get a difficult email, a new plan, a lengthy piece of feedback, a written comment, the notes from a difficult conversation, the minutes of a heated meeting. Print it out, take two markers of different color, highlight what you agree on with one and what you disagree on with the other.
Be honest and impartial. You will have set yourself on a learning path.
Why would I?
Wear a mask.
Commit to that project.
Take the first step to mend a relationship.
Respect the rules.
Be kind to others.
Pay taxes.
Give back to the community.
Sit down and just listen.
Not lie.
When nobody else is doing it?
It is a way of hiding that lowers the bar. In your family, your company, your circle, your life. Chances are that nobody is acting out of habit, ignorance, laziness. Perhaps all they need is somebody who shows them a different way.
That somebody could be you.
Trust is given, trust is built, trust is broken.
And when it is broken, it needs repairing.
A great way to go about this is to start with “I am sorry”. And honestly stop there. At the very least until the other party signals that they are ready to move forward, under a tacit agreement that trust will not be broken again.
A lazy way to go about this is one of the infinite variations of “it’s not my fault”. For sure, you were busy, a pandemic hit, the circumstances were exceptional, the end of the quarter was around the corner. A wide array of ways to simply say: “listen, I can’t commit, trust will be broken again.”
A bad way to go about this is to pretend nothing happened. To go about your day as if everything was fine, as if no break needed repairing, as if the other person would not be telling you over and over again that there is a problem. This does not lay the ground for any type of future relationship. It is just a loud and clear: “I do not care”.
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