Author: Fabrizio

Far from perfect

Fabrizio1 Comment

We are not in search of perfection, and yet we demand ourselves to produce perfection.

The expectations we put on our work are often way higher than those our audience has. This happens in part because we often idealize our audience – and here’s a reminder of how important it is to truly get to know those you are serving. But it also happens because perfect gives us a reason to not deliver, to postpone, to keep thinking and refining.

Accepting far from perfect is not a way to excuse our poor job, rather it is the only possible route to shipping.

Accept

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Dissatisfaction lies in the difference between what’s around us and how we would like that to be. And of course, the only thing we can reliably change over time is the latter.

Our partner is not going to become more loving because we want them to. Our boss is not going to become a better one because we read a book about leadership. We are most likely not going to be successful in the vast majority of pursuits we undertake and average is going to be our natural habitat. Rainy days are still going to follow shiny sunny ones, and they are going to hurt more. The people we surround ourselves with will continue to pursue their lives paying us little attention and giving us little credit. We are probably never going to be loved as much as we love (mainly because we only feel one of the two), and others are always going to hurt us more than we hurt them (for the same exact reason).

That is life.

It does not get any better than this. Except, sometimes it does. And until we are ready to look at it for what it is, in its entirety and free from all of our expectations and demand, we won’t be ready to welcome whatever positive change it is going to bring.

A strategic choice

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Why do people rarely talk frankly to each other when tension arises?

Time inflates difficult situations where two or more people feel resentment towards each other, yet it seems people float through such circumstances without taking action. They talk to other colleagues, families, friends. They feed their anxiety and frustration by crafting a defensive narrative. And they continue escaping a direct confrontation.

That’s how our mind is wired. Clearing the air is difficult, it takes effort and commitment. In the moment, when the time comes to choose between going ahead and speaking to the other person or ignoring the problem and carrying on with the day, the brain will always, instinctively, go for the latter. Because that’s what keeps us safe.

Of course, it is a short-term safety. And in most cases it’s not that we are really in danger of serious consequences should we decide to, once and for all, have that chat.

Difficult conversations are a strategic choice. Have them often, with intention.

Two sons

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We spend more time being worried about unlikely events than we spend preparing for concrete possibilities. And we spend more time being busy with things that matter little than we spend actually doing work that is important.

Worry and busy are two brothers. And they are both sons of resistance.

Be aware they are not getting any closer to achieving your goals.

Conversation

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The mere presence of a meeting on a calendar does not imply that the meeting has happened. Even if it started at the right time, with the right people, each one of them sharing some words, cheering, laughing, nodding, moving on. That still does not mean that the meeting has happened.

Meetings should inspire action, and yet how often does that happen in reality? How many meetings do you need before you actually get something done?

Consider spending half of the time you have scheduled for meetings tomorrow in a conversation instead. Turn to someone who could help you get unstuck, ask thoughtful questions, relax and listen. Then spend the remaining time applying what you learned to what you are doing.

Get going.