The first time

The first time you catch yourself blaming your not doing something on an external factor is the very moment you should stop complaining and start doing.

I can’t do that because I do not have time.

I can’t do that because my partner would not agree.

I can’t do that because my boss would not praise me.

I can’t do that because society would not accept me.

Instead, the first time is often the beginning of a series of excuses we use to not put in the work. It is a place to hide, a wall we build, it is resistance. If you can’t do it the first time, do it the second, the third, the tenth, the hundredth. Do it sooner rather than later. Do it now.

Two stories

If you ask two people to describe the same meeting – or any other social happening they participate in -, you will most likely get two different stories. Sure, there will be some points in common, and yet many of the details will appear as if they do not belong to the same shared experience.

This is even more true the more history there is between the two people, and between them and the others attending the event. We all build our own narratives, and our mind is happier when it can focus just on things that confirm the narratives rather than disprove them. It is not uncommon to talk to two halves of a long term relationship, and find their versions of what happened in certain circumstances are quite opposite: one wanted to show affection, the other interpreted rejection; one thought there was a deep discussion about a certain matter, the other is sure the thing was never even considered in the realm of possibilities.

We need to accept this reality.

And we need to overcommunicate when it has the potential to harm something we hold dear. Negotiating shared meaning is a conscious effort, and it’s possibly the only way to avoid turning to each other as strangers one day or the other.

In check

Most of the decisions we take are evaluated based on their outcomes. And so we find ourselves telling a story around how we chose that option over the other one because of that last minute information we got, or because of the underlying trend we picked up, or because of that opportunity that suddenly presented itself.

Of course, that is only a story. It’s called rationalization. The truth is, there is very little of rational in what we decide to do at any given time. Even in complex decision-making processes (B2B purchasing, for example), what eventually moves the needle is often an emotion, an opinion, a story better told, the friction between two parties.

How to keep the decision-making process in check is a better problem to address (vs how we can replicate good decisions/avoid bad ones). And understanding how people make decisions (all people) is essential to the career of each marketer.

Subtracting

Challenge yourself (and your team) with a question that begins in the following way: what is the minimum amount …?

What is the minimum amount of information we need from a customer before we let them download the whitepaper?

What is the minimum amount of words we have to force our customers to listen to before connecting them to a human being?

What is the minimum amount of steps a visitor to our website has to take before finding what they came for?

What is the minimum amount of words we can use to describe our product?

What is the mimimum amount of people we need to tackle this problem?

Subtracting is often the best approach.

Maximum effect

Who is your main antagonist?

Is it the person cutting the line? Is it your partner who does not understand what you want? Is it your friend that never calls you? Is it that big company with unlimited resources to come after you? Is it the new start-up that does not play by the rules? Is it the government trying to regulate a previously unregulated field? Is it the customer who does not understand the change you are making in the world? Is it your boss who cannot see you for what you are really worth?

Or is it you?

Your bad day, your contrasting goals, your lack of capabilities, your unwillingness to compromise, your rigidity, your inability to express your needs, your stretching yourself too thin.

Put your focus where you can maximise the effect.