Tag: values

Replacing the fences

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You are given a straightforward task: replacing the fences that surround the garden of four houses (A, B, C and D).

Some people would have a plan, a modus operandi, something they have refined with years of experience. And let’s say that their plan is to replace the fences of house A, then the fences of house B, then the fences of house C, and finally the fences of house D. The problem they are solving is replacing the fences.

Some people would go around the houses first, and take note of the fences that are in worst conditions. They would make some sort of list, and they would then perhaps start by replacing the fences in house B, then the fences in house D, then the fences in house C, and eventually the fences in house A. The problem they are solving is making sure that the fences do not fall, and perhaps even cause some damage to the gardens or to the people who live there.

Some people would go around the houses, take note of the fences that are at risk of falling off, provide a temporary fix to safeguard gardens and people (for example, to house B and house D), and then go about replacing the fences with the plan they have put to test in their multiple years in the field (A, then B, then C, then D). The problem they are solving is making sure the fences do not fall and cause harm, while at the same time being efficient in completing the task.

The problem you are out to solve is rarely as simple as you believe.

And by the way, which one of the above is your company?

From here to there

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When you deviate from your path, the one that is right for you (to each their own), it’s seldom because of a swerve. More often, it’s due to the accumulation of many small turns, almost imperceptible. That’s the feeling you get when you suddenly look around and all you see is unfamiliar and unsatisfactory.

How did I get here?

If you are on a trajectory that gives you purpose, you have to invest in staying on course. It does not happen automatically, it requires effort and will, and the capability to say no, over and over again. Shortcuts, fads, occasions, distractions, are around every corner. Staying on track is the whole job.

Excuses and reasons

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Excuses are what you come up with when attempting to convince about something you did (and shouldn’t have done) or did not (and should have done).

Reasons are circumstances that explain why you have not done something you should have, or have done something you should not have.

Excuses are fragile. They are usually ex-post (they come after the fact). They border with lies, and as nobody wants to think of themselves as a liar, they set up for discordance and self-criticism, and eventually undermine the intention of doing.

Reasons are solid. They are usually ex-ante (they come before the fact). They fire up compassion and kindness towards ourselves, and they do not harm our will to do what we initially set out to do. Perhaps under different circumstances, or better equipped to face the ones that have emerged.

Eventually, only you can say if it’s excuses or reasons you are using to not show up.

Stuck in the gap

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Each one of us lives a double life.

One is who we would like to be, the story we tell ourselves (and others), the person we look up to, the one we would like to eventually become.

One is who we are in the moment, the difficulties and the frustrations, the temptations and the shiny objects, the good deeds and the not so good ones, the day after day.

Most of us are stuck in the gap. We despair because we are not who we want to be and then we fail to appreciate what happens here and now.

There’s a few things that could perhaps help get a move from that place.

Begin with keeping your ideal self consistent over time. It’s easier to hit a fixed target than a moving one.

Consider the moment as an opportunity to act against your ideal self. Keep the distance between the two to a minimum.

Remember that your ideal self is, well, ideal. Just because you lose your temper does not mean you are a bad person. Just because you did not get that job does not mean you are worthless. Just because you have failed, does not mean you are a failure.

Most importantly, make time in your life to think about this. Get conscious about where you are and where you want to go, or all the rest will be helpless.

Honest

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Honesty can only work when it’s two-way.

You can’t be honest if you do not accept others to be honest with you as well, and you can’t demand honesty if you are not honest in the first place yourself.

It’s about building trust and knowing that the other is going to be on your side when it matters. Sometimes by putting you in front of harsh truths, sometimes by telling you well timed lies.

Saying “let’s be honest with each other” is a commitment for the long term, something you have to start building day-in and day-out, with practice and consistency.

It’s not something for a two-hours meeting.