Suffering

The purpose of life is not to eliminate suffering. It is not to reduce it either.

The purpose of life is to get acquainted with it.

So that you can recognise it, manage it, and enjoy all the little moments when suffering is not there.

Solutions

For as counterintuitive as it might sound, sometimes – perhaps often times – you don’t need a solution.

You need to listen to yourself and others.

You need to stay in the situation.

You need to allow time to pass.

You need somebody to be in it with you.

If you can accept this kind of immobility, you’ll find that solutions are just a bridge to the following problem.

Taking control

When a friend doesn’t reply to a message, a colleague treats us with distance, or somebody is not as kind as we’d wish them to be, catastrophism swoops in. It whispers tales of abandonment and rejection.

It’s a distorted thinking that breeds anxiety, nudging us towards assuming the worst about others’ behaviour. It tempts us to construct elaborate narratives of abandonment or rejection. And it fails to consider alternative explanations such as busyness, personal difficulties, or simply a momentarily distracted mind.

In the end, what catastrophism does is putting at risk the very same connection we would like to preserve.

Pause. Take a breath. Challenge any claims.

It’s a sure way to start taking control of your thoughts.

The place

You don’t need to find a new way.

You don’t need to learn a new skill.

You don’t need to meet new people.

You just need to be ok with wherever it is you are now.

The rest will come.

Or not.

What brought us here

People change not because of a resolution, not because of a revelation, not because of a reprimand.

They change because change is continuous and ever present.

When we think of us changing, it is usually just us looking back and accepting what has brought us here.

That’s change.