Tag: self-improvement

Overcommunication is about frequency

Fabrizio1 Comment

There is an important distinction to make when we say we want to overcommunicate.

Overcommunication is essential in certain circumstances: change, growth, downsize, new team, new team members, just to mention a few. I actually think that overcommunication is good in general, as we too often have the tendency to assume and take for granted that others know and understand things the same way as we do.

Nonetheless, overcommunication deals with frequency, not with content. It is not necessary to tell more, it is to tell more often.

Sometimes, when reading a presentation, or an e-mail, or a report, it feels like one can almost see the different layers that have been added in the attempt of increasing clarity or including an additional point. At times, it looks like the more bullet points you have, the better.

It does not work.

The more you add to your message, the less it will be understood. Keep it simple, real simple. Make sure anybody who has a superficial knowledge of the matter could get it after reading it once. Read it out loud and listen to how it flows. If you have even a single doubt, start cutting. And if you have no doubts, cut anyway.

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English—it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. […] An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.

Mark Twain

Protect who you are

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Whether we are on the giving or on the receiving part of feedback, we need to make it very clear that there is a distinction between what we do and who we are.

This is liberating. Understanding that what the other person is saying is not a personal critique, as well as approaching the act of providing feedback with the intent of not imposing our worldview on the other, is what makes a relationship stronger and thriving.

So, when we ask for feedback, let’s be specific in what we are seeking. Can you tell me what you think of this thing I wrote? Do you think I should use this or that framework? What would you do to make it better? How do you think I could get better at presenting?

And let it be clear (to us) that what is at stake is not our character, our career, our relationships, our life, our future, our being. Only a minuscule part of that.

When we prepare to give feedback, on the other hand, let’s focus on things that happened and on how we interpreted that or how it made us feel. When that happened, I noticed everyone in the room went silent. This other framework is used more in such cases, because… . I really liked that part of your last e-mail, I find it showed great empathy and consideration. Your presentation featured very interesting information for the company, and with this and that you can make it memorable next time.

If we set a middle ground to have the conversation, without aggressing the other person’s space and building a resistance to our more vulnerable self with awareness and confidence, the magic of candor can truly happen.

Inputs and outputs

Fabrizio1 Comment

Admitting that luck has a huge part in most of our achievements and successes does not mean diminishing them. Nor does it mean diminishing our skills and capacities.

It’s more about understanding that there are a set of things we have under our control and a set of things (usually bigger) that we have absolutely no power over. When we understand this fundamental difference, than it is a whole lot easier to practice accordingly and let go of worries, preoccupations and anxieties that are linked to the latter group. And usually strongly limit and hinder our performance in the former one.

You can decide to show up for work every day, you cannot control the path your career will take five or ten years down the road.

You have power over how you will use your time today, you have none over whether people will like what you did or will agree with your decision.

You can set out to begin a project that can potentially touch the life of many people, you cannot decide whether people will actually be touched by it, or change their mind if they are not.

It is up to you to say yes or no to that request, you have very limited grasp on what will happen next.

When we look back at the successes we’ve had, we should praise the role of the work we’ve done, of the efforts we’ve put in, and also be very mindful of the fact that under very similar circumstances the outcome could have been completely different. You can call it luck, randomness, environment, chance, context. It does not matter. As scary as it sounds, you control the inputs, never the outputs.

An additional point on focus

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A person can normally be focused, or in “flow“, for 50 to 90 consecutive minutes (source: Peak Performance, by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness).

So, after you have picked your long, medium and short term focus, and after you have made sure that the amount of push distraction (e-mails, notification, colleagues, and so on) are reduced to almost zero, you still need to make the effort to sit down for a chunk of time and do the work.

Pull distractions might be quite dangerous as well: if we get up from our place three or four times in an hour as we feel restless, if we feel the need to check if we got a message, if we really need to pin that item on the calendar right now, if we absolutely must give in to the urge of going outside and breath some of the fresh spring air, if we have a meeting every half an hour for the rest of the day. No matter how well organized you have the rest, that is not how you will eventually deliver your best work.

Take a breath, go for a walk, attend that meeting, and come back when you can allocate time and attention to what matters. The reward will boost your morale.

 

Focus

Fabrizio4 Comments

Focus is a simple concept and a very challenging practice.

Focus is understanding what is important and what not in your life, what you want to achieve and what is your end game. Where do you want to get before your time is over?

Focus is making short and medium term decisions about what to commit to and what to say no to. Is that next thing that looks so shiny and everybody is using going to help you get where you want to get before your time is over?

And focus is also a minute after minute choice on what to respond to, what has the power to distract you, to push you through a black hole of wasted time and energies. Should I keep notifications on or off? Shoul I keep the mail client always running in the background? Is it ok to be active in the official work chat? How do I react next time someone stops at my desk/office for a chat?