Tag: self-improvement

When asking for help

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If you ask for help, the worst thing that could happen is that the person or the group you are asking to will not be receptive and you will not get any help. Your situation does not really get any worse.

It’s the same as having money to invest with only the potential gain to risk. Worst case scenario, you walk with your initial sum.

We often avoid asking for help for the fear of being judged, of letting others know we do not know, of feeling inferior and not being able to give back. And yet the benefit is so vast we should not think twice.

Also, it’s a powerful way to build networks.

Worrying

Fabrizio1 Comment

Worrying never helped one bit.

It does not make people feel better, it does not give the object of worrying a clearer shape, it does not move towards a solution.

Worrying is an easy shelter. When we say we worry about something, we take a distance from that thing, we see it from afar and hope we never get there.

What we would really need, instead, is to immerse ourselves in it, dissect it and see how it looks like. See if anything can be done about it, then act, and move on. Leaving behind all that is beyond our control.

Truth is, worrying is comforting. It takes courage to move past it.

Parenting and leadership

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I would not go as far as saying that people with no kids cannot make a good leader, and yet certainly being a parent gives an edge on others when it comes to leading people.

There are few things that being a father tought me, and that I could translate basically 1:1 to my leadership roles.

First, it’s not about you. The moment you become a parent, you realize you are the least important person around. You don’t do parenting by being a prima donna, as you don’t do leadership by attracting the spotlights. And there’s more to it. You soon understand that while you are on your way out (not matter how old you are and how recently you have been promoted), the people you are helping develop are the future. The way you teach them will have a tremendous impact on what they will do in the world and how they will do it.

Second, don’t fall in love with your ideas. If you are a parent, you know plans change. No matter how much you want to go to the fair, or to the lake, or to the museum, something will most likely happen, and you’ll have to find an alternative despite your disappointment or anger. Flexibility and open mindedness are key when you are in charge of others, as is setting some kind of distance between yourself, your satisfaction, your success on one side, and your thoughts and ideas on the other.

Third, you have to show up. Parenting, as leadership, is not something you can switch off when you do not feel like doing it, when your head hurts, when you are exhausted (for perfectly legitimate reasons). You can’t hide in a room (or in a office) and pretend things are the way you want them to be. This also means that, as there’s no rest, you need to become good at taking your breathing moments without abandoning the ship.

Fourth, you are looked up to. If you have kids, you know how much of what you say and what you do they assimilate. It is often puzzling to me seeing myself through the eyes of my kids, as they play make believe, or as they react to certain situations in ways that are way too familiar to me. There’s so many people in leadership positions that think that what they say and what they do does not matter, because eventually everyone is free to make their own choices and be their true selves. Particularly in the short term, the way authority behaves is the way people around authority will behave.

Fifth and last, you get to clean a lot of shit. It’s not only a funny ending to this blog post, it’s more about taking responsibility for others’ behaviors. If your kid punches another kid at the park, you don’t say “ok, go clean your mess!”. You make sure the other is ok, you apologize and make your kid apologize, you might go as far as talk to the other’s parent to apologize once again and make sure everything is alright. And you take it on yourself to follow up and explain why that was not good and how kind people behave in that situation.

Insecure

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If you feel insecure, say it out loud.

The alternative is to try to take control of everything, check that work is done according to your taste, grab both strategy and execution, possibly move from one place to the next without achieving nothing that is worth sharing, shout in the face of those who bear no responsibility, be kind with those who bear plenty, judge for the fear of being judged, diminish others to maintain the feeling to be on top.

If you feel insecure, say it out loud. While people tend to stay clear from the behaviour listed above, they appreciate vulnerability and the capacity to own one’s own feelings. Furthermore, the moment you name it is the moment you start getting more secure. And a whole new world will open for you.

200

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Today is my 200th post on this blog.

As I write day after day, I realize there are two broad topics that I enjoy to focus on. Strictly interrelated, but different.

The first one is about awareness. Understanding who we are as persons. It has a lot to do with soul-searching, empowering us to deeply grasp what we are around for, what we set out to do, why that matters to us. It is a curious aspect, as most people are not really into it. We have the tendency to focus our efforts and attention on action, rather than reflection. I was definitely not into it, until a few years back.

The second one is about practice. Do what you are doing, for the reasons and with the determination you have shed light upon with reflection. Be consistent with it, not letting failures or defeats interrupt the flow. Or in case you get to interrupt it for any reasons, understanding that it is not the end of who you are, and the things you practice will still be there for you once you are ready to commit to them anew.

The two are inseparable, they are in constant dialogue: doing things without understanding the reasons why you are doing them, or knowing who you are without expressing yourself in the world in some ways, is sad and disappointing.

The real magic happens when there is alignment between awareness and practice. It is not a thing for the moment, rather something to approach with long term in mind. And yet, there’s no better moment to start than right now.