Tag: self-improvement

Not one single line

FabrizioLeave a comment

The things you did in the past.

The people you have been around.

The way dear ones have treated you.

The level of education you have achieved.

The jobs you’ve had.

The knowledge you have accumulated.

The places you have visited.

The trauma you barely talk about.

The experiences you have shared with others.

The missing praises.

The undeserved rewards.

All we’ve been so far influences our behaviour, thoughts, feelings in the moment. And yet, they are not the moment. It’s a fundamental difference.

Life is not a straight line. It is not even one single line. You are not stuck on repeat, there’s actually plenty of choices on where to go next.

A step sideway

FabrizioLeave a comment

Categories help us make sense of the world.

And they are solid and merciless prisons.

We use categories to define ourselves and others, and we fail to understand, for the most part, that while they are a useful tool, they are fictitious. It’s way too easy to take on our shoulders the burden a full category carries with it, and it’s even easier to accuse others of misdeeds perpetrated by a generic (and often illusionary) category.

Take a step sideway the next time you use a category, whether it’s to label what you feel you are or what you feel others are. You will spot a lot more variety and will see clearly the immense power categories have on the way we perceive the world.

Picking

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you are waiting for someone to notice your work. If you are hoping tomorrow your boss is going to praise the project you are leading. If you desperately want somebody to enter the shop and admire your craft. If you believe your effort is not getting the attention it deserves.

If you are waiting to be picked.

Remember you can be the one starting it.

You can notice a colleague’s work, praise a peer’s project, enter a shop and admire someone’s craft, give the appropriate attention to those around you.

You can be the one who picks.

It’s contagious, and once you get in the habit, not only others are going to pick you more often, but you are also going to pick yourself with a lot less effort.

That’s the final goal, by the way.

Presence and openness

FabrizioLeave a comment

We all have very limited capacity of understanding those situations where we are not the main character. At best, we can try to relate what others live and feel to something that once happened to us. And even when we do it, we usually miss the mark.

The first part of the problem is with the need to understand. We feel we have to understand something, relate to it, make it ours before we can actually act on it. And the second part of the problem is right there, with the desire to grab the bull by the horns and do something about the whole thing.

Empathy does not require understanding, nor action. To practice empathy you just need presence (more than merely physical) and openness.

Only when we are like that can others truly find their way.

Important conversations

FabrizioLeave a comment

There’s two tactics that are very useful in preparing for an important and difficult conversation.

First, write your thoughts down. It is unbelievably useful to get what you think out of your mind. That’s how you fill the gaps in your reasoning, how you complete the story you want to tell, how you make sure that your arguments are solid. And in particular, that’s how you avoid the conversation you are about to have from being a stream of thoughts that might be difficult for the other person to interpret.

Second, talk about the issue with somebody. Other people are a great sounding board for your thoughts, feelings and ideas. They add perspective to what you have to say, and they identify the flaws in it much better than you might ever do. They are your first audience, and you should pay great attention to how they react, what words or points they focus on, and the counterarguments they make.